Brad Lidge’s Mediocre Opening Day Sacrifice Deemed Barely Sufficient by Gods

As we previously discussed, ever since a certain incident involving Albert Pujols, Brad Lidge has been a devout polytheist. Before every game he makes a sacrifice to Poseidon, god of the sea, earthquakes, horses, and the 9th inning. The morning of opening day, Lidge took his portable sacrificial alter, snuck it into the bathroom in the Wrigley Field clubhouse, and unsheathed his ceremonial dagger. The slaughteree: some really old pig with weird spots and a hacking cough that looked like it was about to die anyway.

I wouldn't really want this sacrificed in my name.

That uddered monstrosity was good enough, as Lidge ended up getting the save. Poseidon would clearly like better things from Lidge in the future, though. With one out in the bottom of the ninth, he imbued Ian Stewart with the power to crush a ball to right field, but then took pity on poor Lidge and nudged the wind to push the ball just enough back towards the field for Jayson Werth to horribly misplay it into a triple. Stewart was cut down at home on the next play, and the Sea Lord mercifully granted Lidge a save and the Nats a win.

Try and sacrifice something less horribly ugly next time, Brad. Poseidon might not be so forgiving again.

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One thought on “Brad Lidge’s Mediocre Opening Day Sacrifice Deemed Barely Sufficient by Gods

  1. […] in his life. But he was never able to find the right offering to give to his master. He tried ugly livestock, his sculpted fecal droppings, plague-ridden rodents, a mug supporting sea-ruiners, and even his […]

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