Brad Lidge Gives Shitty Pregame Sacrifice, Blows First Save as a National

Brad Lidge, producing today's sacrifice

Brad Lidge woke up this morning and realized he didn’t have any animals at the ready to sacrifice. He was feeling kinda lazy and didn’t want to go to the store or zoo to get one. So he went to the bathroom, fished around in the toilet for some poop that he forgot to flush the night before, and molded it into the shape of a cow. “Oh, I bet Poseidon doesn’t really pay attention to these things. He just sees the shape of an animal and accepts it.”

WRONG. You idiot, Brad Lidge. You ungodly, impious fool. You thought Poseidon would be okay with you sacrificing your own shit before a baseball game? No. Now you made Poseidon make Ryan Zimmerman look bad by having him miss that groundball down the third base line and spoiled Gio Gonzelez’s perfectly beautiful work.

WILL YOU NEVER LEARN YOUR LESSON?

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2 thoughts on “Brad Lidge Gives Shitty Pregame Sacrifice, Blows First Save as a National

  1. […] is nothing lovely about Brad Lidge, but I think I’ve covered that enough. Fortunately for the Nats, Alfredo Simon saw the Mets’ pitching yesterday and said […]

  2. […] But he was never able to find the right offering to give to his master. He tried ugly livestock, his sculpted fecal droppings, plague-ridden rodents, a mug supporting sea-ruiners, and even his own rookie card. Brad never […]

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