Hanson MMMTops Nats in Series Finale

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“Mike Morse, caught in an intimate moment.” (Photo by Jonathan Ernst/Getty Images)

Final Score: Braves 3, Nationals 2.

Dame of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 2-3, 1 BB, 1 2B, 1 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI. I was really hoping that Harper’s performance would ferry us to a victory. Just to be clear, we do pay Harper, even if it is an amount much below what he deserves. So please, no raids.

Shame of the Game:

Michael Morse: 0-4. For the second straight day, you turn in an 0-4 performance. No wonder our marriage is falling apart.

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There’s nothing that energizes a team offensively like a leadoff home run. There’s nothing that energizes a team even more like back-to-back leadoff home runs. But how are we supposed to sustain this energy if our Gio-Thermal sources are all dried up? Today the Nationals showed power early, but clearly the Braves are in cahoots with the pro-coal lobby since they stopped us, and America, from enjoying the renewable energy that we deserve. Well I for one am sick of this ignorant view on energy. We need to make sure the Braves know that what they’re doing is not ok. Your voice needs to be heard, and I feel there’s no better way to do that than to vote in the right people, instead of the Braves. So when you fill out your all star ballot, make sure you vote for the people who believe in Gio-Thermal energy. Vote Nationals.

Steve Lombardozzi hit his first career home run while placed back in the leadoff spot. The Bulldozzi is clearly an unstoppable force when playing there, and if Danny Espinosa gets in his way again I would expect Danny to be crushed worse than when he couldn’t find a date to prom and had to lose his virginity that night to a warm jar of mayonnaise.

In a new strategy, Zimmerman, LaRoche, Morse and Desmond, the 3-4-5-6 hitters, went a combined 0-16 with 0 walks and 5 strikeouts. Thrilled that they had accomplished their goal, they quickly realized their plan was a bad one, and decided to stop taking suggestions from Ian Desmond. Sorry Ian, I guess that means the Yugioh tournament is called off.

The Nationals now sit in a three way virtual tie for first with the Mets and Marlins. Opposite day is really lasting quite longer than I expected this year. After Monday off, the Nationals open a series at home vs. the Mets. The Mets are still really excited about their no-hitter, so much so that they’re welcoming back the biggest non-hitter of them all on Tuesday, Jason Bay! Hooray for horrific contracts.

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