London Lidge is Falling Down: Nats Fall to Yankees in Extras, My Fair Lady

“I love you too, ground,” whispered Moore, as his mouth became increasingly stuffed with dirt. (Photo by Patrick McDermott/Getty Images)

Final Score: Yankees 5, Nationals 3

Dame of the Game:

Craig Stammen: 3 IP, BB, 2 K. Craig showed off his Stammena in keeping the Nats alive through many an extra inning. But not even this master of endurance could pitch forever, and his departure brought us a big heaping helping of this guy:

Shame of the Game:

Brad Lidge: .2 IP, 2 ER, 3 H, BB, 2 K. Friday, we learned that Brad Lidge is just as bad as we remembered from before he got injured. Saturday, we learned that he is just as bad as we remembered from Friday. Who knows what new knowledge we might gain from his next appearance?

——-

Everyone knows that Bryce Harper’s favorite baseball team is the Yankees, a fact which is understandably concerning to fans of the team he actually plays for. Thus far this year, Harper’s Nationals have endeared themselves to every other Yankee fan, as they swept the Red Sox and have now lost both games to the Yankees. Harper himself played a major role in both series–he crushed Red Sox pitching, but has foundered against the Yankees, culminating in yesterday’s 0-7, five strikeout and game-ending-groundout master class in sucking. I’m not going to say that Bryce Harper is conspiring to make the Nationals lose to the Yankees. That would be a wild assumption based on tiny sample sizes and an ancient quote. But then again, that kind of thinking doesn’t sell blogpapers.

BRYCE HARPER: DOUBLE AGENT???

Well, now I’ve said it. Everyone buy my blogpaper.

There were many upsetting moments in this game, but one of the worst came in the bottom of the 8th, when Tyler Moore appeared to score the go ahead run but was called out by home plate umpire Tim Timmons. Said Davey Johnson after the game, “yeah, we really got hosed on that one. But you know what I always say. What goes around comes around.” Said Timmons as he was being blasted by Johnson with a high-pressure water hose, “GRRRFGLLLLLLLGRRRRGGGLEE.”

Now that Brad Lidge is back and pitching again, he’s resumed sacrificing various living and/or dead objects to his deity of choice, Poseidon, to help win him good favor in his outings. Unfortunately, he’s still terrible at it. Before yesterday’s 14th inning meltdown and loss, he decided to “sacrifice” his own rookie card. It was the most worthless sacrifice since humanity invented the idea of quid pro quo religion, and the Sea God responded appropriately.

Bryce Harper will have another chance to help the Yankees as he faces off against his own conscience again this afternoon.

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One thought on “London Lidge is Falling Down: Nats Fall to Yankees in Extras, My Fair Lady

  1. […] his sculpted fecal droppings, plague-ridden rodents, a mug supporting sea-ruiners, and even his own rookie card. Brad never understood why Poseidon hated all his disgusting, offensive and worthless […]

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