The Franchise Suffers Low Ratings: MLB Network Stars Nationally Shown Up

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Tattletale. (AP Photo/J Pat Carter)

Final Score: Nationals 5, Marlins 1.

Dame of the Game:

Jordan Zimmermann: Win, 6 IP, 4 H, 1 BB, 0 R, 6 K. Zimmermann pitched a game that even if his teammates gave him the zero run support he expected, he couldn’t lose. They realized this and let Jordan have this game. They combined to mercilessly destroy him however in the postgame tug-of-war match.

Shame of the Game:

Jose Reyes & Hanley Ramirez: Talking too much. Jose and Hanley spent a bit too much time chatting one another up, and were distracted while Bryce Harper stole third base. Serves Jose right for being such a gossip. You promised you wouldn’t tell Omar Infante that I had a crush on him!

———-

Baseball is back. After 2 days of no activity, and 4 days of no real important baseball, the Nationals finally played a game again. It had felt like forever since we last saw this team on a baseball field, but in reality it was only a brief period of time. Well despite the direction the team was going in before the break, I’m excited to see people like John Patterson and Tony Armas Jr. continue to develop.

What do you mean it’s 2012? No, it’s 2006. Uh oh, I must have taken a bit too many sleeping pills to get past the 2006 All-Star Break…

The last time the Nationals faced Josh Johnson, Johnson won a battle of pitchers with penile-sounding last names (Wang was the other). Many of you think that no such jokes can be made this time, but are you aware of the origin of the name Zimmermann? It comes from the german zimber, meaning wood, and mann, meaning man. And if your penis isn’t a “wood man” of sorts, then I don’t know what to tell you. Other than that I should probably rethink my nickname of “Pinocchio” for mine.

So this time, the Nationals metaphorical penis was much more virile than the Marlins relatively flaccid Johnson. I would recommend he take viagra next time, but I’m not sure there’s any left after Jack McKeon raided the medicine cabinet during his time there.

Ian Desmond continued to excel despite his oblique injury, which clearly never existed. I’m beginning to think that it was made up as an excuse to keep him from going to the All-Star game for one of two reasons. Either Desmond was scared as a child by watching Hitchcock’s The Birds and didn’t want to go to KC (we all know there are lots of Boo birds there), or he resents the Royals for some reason. I do too to be honest, I mean Harry and Kate’s wedding did not deserve the media hype it got.

The series continues Saturday night as the Nats take on Buehrle. I worry that Buehrle will be able to absorb our blows pretty well, I think Buehrle is known for it’s high levels of absorption.

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