The Boy Who Cried, Wolf: Milwaukee Just Talkie, With Bad Showing

The jersey were actually meant to support gay marriage. But the Nationals encountered another embarrassing spelling error. (Photo by Mike McGinnis/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 4, Brewers 1.

Dame of the Game:

Corey Brown: 1-5, 1 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI. Corey probably didn’t have the best performance tonight, but he hit his first career home run. This award for him is kind of like praising a kid for his first poop on his own, even if he did it in the tub.

Shame of the Game:

Randy Wolf: Loss, 7 IP, 9 H, 1 BB, 4 ER, 6 K. Wolf is always randy. In both name, and because no baseball groupie is lining up to satisfy him given his many poor performances like this.

———-

Today was a big day for Jordan Zimmermann, as many of his family and friends came from Jordan’s nearby home town to see him pitch. While many baseball players are very excited to play in front of family, Zimmermann worried his teammates would make a bad first impression. It’s no secret that Jordan has had trouble getting his teammates to cooperate this year. Thus, he felt worried that his family would think less of them, despite Jordan really caring about them. The situation had the potential to be like Jordan bringing home a girlfriend, only to have her shit all over the carpet and leave Jordan helpless to clean up the mess. So what happened?

The Nationals did exactly as Jordan had hoped. They dressed nicely, complimented his parents on their cooking, and even helped wash the dishes. Which was really quite odd since this was a baseball game. But still, the team did their best to show Jordan how much he meant to them. Hopefully the Zimmermann family approves of who their son has chosen to associate himself with. They especially appreciated their son welcoming an unfortunate man suffering from disfigurement into his circle of friends. They thought very highly of their son’s social conscience, until he explained to them that the man was Tom and someone was paying him to be there.

I just hope that with the approval of Jordan’s family that the Nationals don’t fall into such a level of comfort with this relationship that they become a problem again. The Nats and Jordan have taken many steps away from the abusive relationship they recently had. I’d like to think that how they acted to gain acceptance wasn’t just an act, but was the actual treatment that Jordan can expect in the future. Many people feel less bad for men who are abused simply because they don’t believe that’s as likely or emotionally traumatizing. But I’d like to see you stand up to 24 men with bats and come out fine.

For now though, let us rejoice. I can see wedding bells in the future between Jordan and this team. The only thing I think can get in the way is if Jordan puts his career first and has to relocate. But boy, these two would make a good couple to last forever. Just think of how their babies would look! It would be so cute if it had Jordan’s eyes, and Ryan’s nose, and Mike’s ears, and Stephen’s mouth, and Bryce’s hair, and…actually it would be strange if 25 men mixed their semen together and produced a baby. Nevermind that cute comment.

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