Cliff Notes Nats, Makes Short Work of Them

Final Score: Phillies 8, Nationals 0.

Dame of the Game:

Steve Lombardozzi: 1-3, 1 BB. Steve outshined his teammates with this performance. But that’s like someone having the best performance in a movie like Norbit. It’s still not gonna be very good.

Shame of the Game:

Stephen Strasburg: Loss, 4 IP, 8 H, 1 BB, 6 ER, 3 K. What a distraster. The most explosively bad showing from a burg since the Hindenburg, and even then, that at least made for good television.

———-

These Phillies are not the Phillies we have come to know. No Shane Victorino, no Hunter Pence, and strangest of all, a victory. The troubled Philly franchise cut loose two of its stars on Tuesday implying that their era of dominance may be over. But Cliff Lee did his best Hiroo Onoda impression and kept fighting, clearly not having got the message.

The Nats were shut out and managed barely more than a whimper, much like a Basenji left in the backyard. Also like a Basenji left in the yard, the Nationals did their business where it was expected of them. At least I hope. I would hate to be the clubhouse attendant who has to handwash Tom Gorzelanny’s pants to get that nasty stain out.

Maybe the team just felt bad for the Phillies, who had openly acknowledged their downfall with these trades. I doubt it though. That would kind of be like feeling bad for Hitler after he openly acknowledged his downfall with putting a bullet in his head. I would attribute this loss more to an excessive level of cockiness, which I don’t think we should be feeling without our Wang in the clubhouse.

Hopefully we can overcome this loss and take advantage of this troubled Phillies team. Maybe leave them with some Atreyu and dark clothing and they’ll just lock themselves in their room so we don’t have to deal with them.

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