What Was in That Melk?

“Have you ever taken any performance enhancing drugs, Melky?”
“Thank you.”

The Melkman has delivered a 50 game suspension to himself.

Melky Cabrera has been suspended for 50 games, effective immediately, for testing positive for testosterone. Probably his best defense at this point is that he has elevated levels of testosterone because he has sex with so many many porn stars. If that’s not the explanation and he is actually guilty, you might wonder how someone could be so stupid as to take steroids given Major League Baseball’s seemingly effective drug testing program. The answer is probably just that some people are very stupid and Melky Cabrera is one of them.

The “effective immediately” clause means he won’t be playing against the Nats this afternoon, which is clearly good news as he’s hit pretty well against Washington this season. It’s less good news for the Giants, who don’t have that many other good hitters and will have to cope with knowing that one of their best offensive performers was cheating the whole time. That will be truly difficult for the city of San Francisco overcome, as they have never had to deal with something like this befo-

Oh, wait, never mind. I think they’ll be fine.

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