No More Mr. Niese Guy: Mets Are Mean, Don’t Share Runs

David Wright couldn’t stop giggling after Jesus Flores told him the punchline to “why did the chicken cross the road.” This would have been an effective strategy for getting him not to swing, except that he walked. (Patrick McDermott/Getty Images)

Final Score: Mets 2, Nationals 0

Dame of the Game:

Edwin Jackson: 2 ER, 2 H, BB, 11 K. Jackson should spend less time hanging out with Jordan Zimmerman, that lack of run support seems to be contagious. At the very least they should stop sharing the same fork at postgame meals.

Shame of the Game:

Michael Morse: 0-4, 3 K. The hitting streak is finally over, and Joe DiMaggio is safe. I’m still holding out hope that, through the sheer vagaries of chance, the record will one day be broken by some terrible player that no one would have otherwise wanted to remember. Like, I dunno, Wil Nieves.

——–

Nothingness.

The absence of matter. The inky blackness of the void. The fate that ultimately awaits us all. The Nationals offense in this game.

I could take the easy way out and say that the rest of this post will be a metaphor for Washington’s offensive performance and just stop writing words here. We’ve done something like that when the Nats got shutout 2-0 before, after all. But that would be cowardly. I have to stand up and face this miserable loss like a man. Then while I’m at it, I should confront the reality of my mortality. 

Oh, the Nationals already won today? Then everything’s fine! I’ll live forever! No need to ever think about yesterday’s game ever again!

So long for now, I’m off to go do some incredibly dangerous things!

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