According to many people on twitter, today is National Kiss a Baseball Player Day. Or rather, #NationalKissABaseballPlayerDay. People don’t have time to breathe between words anymore.
MLB.com even acknowledged it as something to seemingly exist. I don’t really know where it came from, but if Christmas is a National holiday then this should totally be one as well. I mean if we get days off of work to honor Jesus’ birth, why can’t we get a day off to honor a romantic act that could lead to the birth of another Jesus? Assuming Flores wants to name his son Jesus Jr.
Now I found out about this day so late that I missed nearly 22 of the 24 hours available to kiss a baseball player. I have 2 hours and 30 minutes left to kiss a baseball player and I don’t know where I can possibly find one. I can go get my brother who plays high school baseball, but that would be weird in a way that kissing a strange major leaguer you come across on the street is not.
If you live in the suburban area around New York let me know if you are a baseball player looking to be kissed. Even though I am not gay, I will probably do it just to say I kissed a baseball player. One time I used a bathroom at the same time as Goose Gossage, but that definitely wasn’t as intimate as it could have been. So let’s make something out of this day Mariano Rivera/Bernie Williams/other people around here.
This message is not directed towards Tom Gorzelanny.