2012 Nationals Player Profile: Chien-Ming Wang

Is the real Chien-Ming Wang standing in front of a large billboard of himself or holding a small statue of himself in his right hand? Tough call.

Here at The Zimmerman(n) Telegram we like to have some fun with players’ names. Some names lend themselves better to wordplay than others. Some share first or last names with famous historical or pop culture figures. Some are just different spellings of common English words. And sometimes, a player’s name is literally a synonym for “penis.” On the 2012 Nationals, that player is Chien-Ming Wang.

Now that Chien-Ming Wang’s ham has been strung and will remain so for an undetermined period of time, this seems like a great moment to talk all about him and his phallus of a last name. Oh, I know, some of the more “astute” and “culturally sensitive” among our readers will be quick to point out that Wang is actually an extremely common name in China, and is in fact one of the most common surnames in the world. It also has a rich history of significance in Asian nobility; the title of Wang connoted some degree of high standing in the noble classes of China, Korea, and Mongolia. And yes, ¬†there have been countless headlines relating to Chien-Ming Wang that have been obvious sexual innuendos, from “Angels Jump on Wang Early” to “Yankees Reinsert Wang in Rotation” to “Wang Fucks the Red Sox Hard, Via the Ass.”

It is Chien-Ming Wang’s great misfortune that a perfectly respectable Asian name happens to be identical to the slang word that evolved from the older slang word for a “gadget or thing for which the correct name is not known,” whangdoodle. After all, if we had just kept calling penises “whangdoodles,” this whole problem (and frankly most other problems in society today) could have been averted. That is why we at The Zimmerman(n) Telegram are pledging not to use any puns involving Wang and the male urine-dispensing organ. It will be difficult, but ultimately the discourse of this blog will be raised if we save the poor Wang from being dragged any further through the mud.

To resist the temptation, we will be referring to Chien-Ming Wang by the first syllable of his name instead of the last. For example: “Giants’ Long Balls Slam Chien in Loss.”

…damnit

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