INTRODUCING A BRAND NEW ENERGY DRINK FROM WASHINGTON NATIONALS MEGA-ACE CRAIG STAMMEN: Craig Stammen’s STAMMENA
You read it right! The #1 best pitcher on the Washington Nationals Craig Stammen has developed a new beverage that will make you be able to do everything for much much longer. Do you want to run a big race? Drink some STAMMENA. Do you need to mow every lawn on the block for community service because you committed a bad crime? Guzzle down some STAMMENA.
It’s not a solid! It’s barely a liquid! It’s mostly a plasma! STAMMENA
Do you need to drive a long way to see your uncle who you HATE? Drip some STAMMENA down your throatpipe. Do you need to do sex with your goodwife for many hours because otherwise she would give you a divorce? Whet your whistle first with some STAMMENA.
WHOAH! Ever since Craig Stammen, Major League Baseball (TM) player, first made STAMMENA, he has never been tired once! Craig Stammen never sleeps! WHOAH!
Do you need to pitch a complete game in a baseball game? Shove some STAMMENA where it hurts the most. Craig Stammen does that. Craig Stammen pitches only complete games now because of STAMMENA. How does he do it??? With STAMMENA
Craig Stammen is going to lead the Washington Nationals to the World Series with STAMMENA. Be a Hero like Craig Stammen. Swallow STAMMENA.
Warning: STAMMENA is probably illegal to use if you are a Major League Baseball (TM) player. Do not tell Major League Baseball (TM) if you are drinking STAMMENA.