2012 Nationals Player Profile: Ryan Zimmerman


The answer we were looking for.

Yesterday in our series of player profiles, our Jordan Zimmermann profile was interrupted by a coded message of mysterious origin. Signed “ZIMMERMAN(N),” we assumed that perhaps Jordan was the one sending this message. However after exploring further, our questions about who really sent this message were answered.

As seen in the photo above, Ryan Zimmerman has a fondness for coded messages, including messages sent in Morse code as the t-shirts shows. While this message, or should I say telegram of sorts, came in a different code, the likely conclusion to make is that Ryan Zimmerman, given his fondness for encrypted transmissions, was part of the tandem behind this message. Jordan is obviously involved, given the transmission came through during his player profile. So what do the Zimmerman(n)s want to do? Well I think they are bracing for a rocky future.

The Zimmerman(n)s are preparing for chaos.

Ryan ZImmerman is the face of the Nationals and unofficial Minister of Foreign Affairs, and speaks for the team as well as anybody. At his suggestion, the Nationals plan to take the following approach. The Nationals realize that the Phillies are a big threat if they decide to get involved in preventing the Nationals from reaching their goals. While the Nats would prefer the Phillies don’t get in the way, the team has begun to prepare for the possibility of Philadelphia joining in with the Braves and other teams in the division in preventing the Nationals from becoming champions.

This is where the Orioles would come in, assuming Philadelphia does this of course. Approaching the Orioles to distract the Phillies was a questionable move, given the weakness of the Baltimore team. Really they don’t stand a chance vs. the Phillies in a head to head matchup. But they are located just a little south of Philadelphia and are their closest baseball neighbor. With the Nationals’ support, they could serve at least as a distraction for the Phillies, keeping Philadelphia focused more on their own issues, as opposed to getting involved in matters elsewhere in the league.

Hurting Philadelphia could benefit the Orioles, as the O’s could take back some fans who they may have lost in past years to the more successful nearby team. Hopefully they will realize this, and be receptive to the Nationals’ plan.

The Phillies have been openly opposed to unrestricted submarine pitching in the past, which makes the ultimate involvement in the conflict all the more likely. Just last year the Phillies got into an intense conflict with the San Francisco Giants, a team that is heavily supportive of submarine pitching as evidenced by them relying so heavily on Javier Lopez. While it calmed down quickly, it was clear that war breaking out wasn’t too far away.

There are many questions to be asked now. What do the Nationals mean that they will engage in unrestricted submarine pitching when they have no submariners on the team? Will they resort to this style of play even though other powerful teams in the league are so against it? I think the one thing that everyone in Natstown has to prepare for is a possible declaration of war between the Nationals and the Phillies.

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2 thoughts on “2012 Nationals Player Profile: Ryan Zimmerman

  1. […] Phillies are at war. We suspected that it might come to this, ever since we intercepted a Zimmerman(n) telegram just before Opening Day. But for the declaration to come so soon, and just a day before the […]

  2. […] been a bit on the shameful side. I can only assume he’s been distracted by his other, more foreign ministerial […]

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