Jackson Sends Reds Away In a Trail of Tears

Edwin Jackson remembered in the middle of this pitch that he had a big bowl of juicy cherries waiting for him when he got home.

Final Score: Nationals 4, Reds 1

Dame of the Game:

Edwin Jackson: 9 IP, 1 ER, 2 H, 1 BB, 9 K. It’s been a very long time since the Dame of the Game has been someone who is not a member of the Nationals’ starting rotation. There are three reasons for this. 1) The Nats starting rotation has been ridiculous. 2) The Nats offense has been mediocre. 3) The Nats starting pitchers have been bribing us with signed, game-used jockstraps to make sure that they all win Dame of the Game. Offense and bullpen, can you top that?

Shame of the Game:

Ian Desmond: 0-5, K, 4 LOB. It’s about time. Get ready for a lot more of these.

The Jacksonian Era in Washington has officially begun. Uh, begun again. There were just over 175 years between the day that Andrew Jackson left the White House and the day that Edwin Jackson pitched a complete game two-hitter in his first start at Nationals Park, but at long last the most important person in the nation’s capital is a Jackson. And unlike last time, it’s totally acceptable for that person to be black. 

The Nationals continued to manifest their destiny of winning the NL East today, extending their winning streak to five games and their streak of successfully cramming  everyone on the team into one shower stall after the game to nine. They’ve gotten really good at that, though it took a little more lubricant than usual to squeeze Chad Tracy in today, mainly because he had eaten a huge lunch and gained 20 pounds. Davey Johnson wants to tell his players to stop this ritual, which he has described as “weird” and “gay” and “why don’t they invite me in?”, but he’s too superstitious to risk disrupting the Nats’ hot start.

Edwin Jackson was helped out by some excellent defense from Ryan Zimmerman, who on one play barehanded a high chopper and proceeded to throw out Zack Cozart. Zimmerman is a big fan of using his bare hands in general rather than gloves or other protective equipment. In addition to baseballs, he also likes to barehand hot oven trays, highly acidic liquids, and machine gun fire. For this reason Zimmerman’s contract with the Nationals expressly forbids him from entering wars, chemistry labs, or kitchens.

The offense was led once more by Adam La “Cock” Roche, who has been hitting so well that he really deserves a new nickname. I hope he likes it.

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: