“The Shark” Makes it Big, What Will Be Next?

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Roger Bernadina murdering Andrew McCutchen.
(Credit: Sharkadina)

Despite our efforts to suggest a more fearsome nickname for Roger Bernadina, it seems as if “The Shark” has stuck. Even longtime hater Bill Ladson finally admitted that Bernadina’s nickname was “The Shark.” During last night’s game, “Shark” chants filled the stadium. It was arguably the most joyous occasion where hundreds of people were screaming “Shark.” Depends if you like seeing fellow beach-goers being mauled.

This got us thinking. If a couple of other fans nicknamed Bernadina, why couldn’t this blog succeed in doing the same for other Nationals. Below, may I recommend some nicknames for all those in Natstown to consider. Additionally I recommend a certain item to wear for each nickname, much like Sharkadina fans wearing shark heads.

Ross Detwiler – “The Rottwiler.” We suggested this earlier during our player profiles, but that was at a time when Detwiler had an uncertain role on the team. Now that he’s our five starter, let’s honor him with a nickname. I feel that’s a good consolation prize with his four rotation mates are making tens of millions. What to wear as a costume: Dog collars.

Rick Ankiel – “The Excessive Masturbator.” No, I’m not saying that Rick Ankiel is a porn addict. I’m saying that he has such a strong and powerful left arm, while his other arm isn’t as impressively coordinated and powerful. Could this be because of his handedness? Maybe. It could also be cause he felt more comfortable masturbating with his left hand and based his powerful throwing arm on that. What to wear as a costume: a look of shame.

Craig Stammen – “The Fertilizer.” Stammen has a last name that is almost identical to one of the reproductive organs of a flower. The stamen is the male fertilizing organ of a flower. During games, he fertilizes the catcher’s mitt with baseballs, assuming that one of those stamenblocking batters doesn’t get in the way. What to wear as a costume: this.

Tyler Clippard – “Four Eyes.” What a nerd. What to wear as a costume: Letterman jackets, and make sure to bully him and say he’ll never get a date.

Gio Gonzalez – “The Professor.” This goes off of my posting name, The Giology Professor. Every five days, Gio teaches the opposing team all about Giology. It’s often a very rocky experience, and the other batters don’t understand it too well. Gio is forced to give them all low batting averages. I suggest hiring a tutor if they want to have a chance in the Giology class. What to wear as a costume: bring your computers and pretend to be taking notes on the game but really just talk to friends online.

Here are five ideas for good nicknames. I hope we can get this going and that Bill Ladson and the guys at Sharkadina gives us their blessings. If you have any suggestions, send them our way.

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One thought on ““The Shark” Makes it Big, What Will Be Next?

  1. […] handedly helping the team to victory. His “bat” “came” in handy early, as “The Excessive Masturbator” jacked one out. He also had a celebratory masturbation session after the […]

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