Go Jump Off a Lidge: Nats Win Despite Awful Job by Awful Person

Another failed attempt at matchmaking by Rick Ankiel (Photo by Patrick McDermott/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 3, Marlins 2

Dame of the Game:

Ian Desmond: 1-4, HR, R, 2 RBI, K, Walk Off Sac Fly. Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng. Fine. Here it is. Just take your reward and never come back. I still hate you, Ian Desmond.

Shame of the Game:

Brad Lidge: 1 IP, 2 ER, HR, 3 BB, BS. I’ll deal with you later, Brad Lidge.

———

I had a great headline about how great Stephen Strasburg is all ready to go. With a paint-shop and everything. I was all ready to post it and go take a nap. I looked longingly at my bed. Staring back at me, just peeking out from under my covers, were the pathetic, loathsome eyes of Brad Lidge. The one man standing between me and blissful slumber. “Come on, Brad Lidge. I’m exhausted. Just let me get some of that sweet bed and forget all about worries and cares of my wearisome existence. Pretty please with Davey Johnson’s dandruff on top?”

“No. I’m stealing your bed. And furthermore I’m about to give up a two-run, game-tying home run to Logan Morrison.”

“Fuck you, Brad Lidge.”

So here I am, awake, cranky, writing a much less pleasant post about how bad Brad Lidge is. Not as unpleasant as it could be though, thanks to the combined efforts of Gaby Sanchez and Jose Reyes in misplaying an easy doubleplay grounder to first in the bottom of the 10th. Sanchez was holding the ball about a foot away from first base, but instead of stepping on first base he opted to throw it elsewhere, and not particularly well. Is he allergic to bases? Does he suffer from base-phobia, so that whenever he touches a base he feels an uncontrollable urge to strip off his uniform and wail? If so, he probably shouldn’t be a baseball player. Though I guess Vernon Wells manages to make plenty of money and almost never touches bases, so it’s possible.

Ian Desmond’s subsequent sac fly sent the crowd home happy for the first time since his offseason gig as a riot policeman who sprayed protesters with candy instead of high-pressure water. Earlier in the game, Desmond hit a home run that went an unseemly distance. It was just rude to everyone involved. Learn some manners. I mean really.

Strasburg was pretty fantastic, but sadly that headline and photo I mentioned will have to wait for another day. Hopefully Stephen Strasburg will have at least one more good start in his career, otherwise I will die unfulfilled. I hope he knows how high the stakes are here.

As for Brad Lidge’s morning sacrifice, it was probably some kind of diseased rat carrying some new strain of the bubonic plague that Lidge made sure to rub on everyone he knows before offering it to the gods. You heard it here first: Brad Lidge causes plagues.

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One thought on “Go Jump Off a Lidge: Nats Win Despite Awful Job by Awful Person

  1. […] the right offering to give to his master. He tried ugly livestock, his sculpted fecal droppings, plague-ridden rodents, a mug supporting sea-ruiners, and even his own rookie card. Brad never understood why Poseidon […]

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