Leake-y Reds Make Mess: Nats Win Game, Support of McCarthyists

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Since I am on my phone, I can’t get a picture off the internet. This is my representation of the game.

Final Score: Nationals 7, Reds 3.

Dame of the Game:

Roger Bernadina: 2-5, 1 R, 3 RBI, 1 HR, 1 SB, 1 K. This is the type of shark attack I like to see. No death, no mangled limbs, and the only reason people will feel like they’re losing so much blood is because it’ll be rushing from their heads to their erections that come about due to how well Shark is doing.

Shame of the Game:

Mike Leake: Loss, 3 IP, 7 H, 2 BB, 6 ER, 3 K. While some teams hire personal translators, the Reds have put out feelers for a personal plumber to prevent anymore Leake-ing. He really just causes a great big mess.

Last night’s game marked the second straight Gio start that the Nats’ bats have come alive and scored 7 runs. I really am starting to believe that Gio-thermal energy is the best form of energy, just look at how poorly other energy means have worked in powering this team to victory. When Davey Johnson stuck nuclear rods of plutonium into each players back pocket, did it work? No, Tom Gorzelanny just became even more mutated (hard to tell though). When Mike Rizzo put coal in everyone’s locker did they excel and win? No, they all broke down in tears thinking Santa wasn’t coming. The Nats need Gio-thermal energy.

While the majority of the offense did quite well, one young man did not have a good showing. Bryce Harper finished the day 0-5 with 3 Ks, as well as a new facial feature. In a tantrum in the dugout, Harper was whacked with the very bat he was swinging, opening up a cut under his eye. While some people are concerned, I think it was intentional. With so many people criticizing his eye black, I think he wanted to try blood instead. Nothing says intimidation like giant puddles of blood running down your face. Nothing says unhealthy loss of blood like that either, except for Shark-related erections.

The Nats won their 20th game of the season with last night’s win, a sentence that in the late 2000s was written in late august or so. We can only hope for lucky 21 today as they continue their series vs. the Reds. 21 is a special number for them, since they’re clearly a gambling type of organization. How else do you justify signing Elijah Dukes?

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