A Song of Bryce and Fire: Harper Hits First Home Run as Nats Kill Fathers

Fans thought Bryce Harper was coming out for a curtain call, but he was really just pointing to a cloud so he could prove to his teammates that he knew what a cloud was.

Final Score: Nationals 8, Padres 5

Dame of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 1-4, HR, RBI, R, K. Who else? DC’s Dynamic Douchebag finally hit the first of what will hopefully be a number of home runs so large that we have to invent a new numerical system to write it without frying whatever computing device it’s written on.

Shame of the Game:

Henry Rodriguez: .1 IP, 3 BB, Hold. Great Hold, Henry Rodriguez. You are likely to be getting a lot more of those in the future and a lot less of anything that anyone cares about.


Wow. I can’t believe I was there to see it. They say you never forget the first time, and I’ll certainly never forget this moment. Everything else that happened in the game will soon be lost to history, but not this. And what a scene! Literally hundreds of people in the crowd going wild. Nationals Park erupting with the jubilation that it had long been longing to feel. I looked around after it happened, knowing that not just I but everyone around me would cherish this memory for a lifetime: Sean Burnett’s first save of the season.

There’s really not much to say about the rest of the game, which paled in comparison to such a glorious occasion. Regardless, here’s some photo documentation to give future historians some context when they tell the tale of Sean Burnett’s first save of 2012:

This is one of the places Sean Burnett looked before throwing the pitch that induced the double play that got him his first save of 2012. Of much lesser importance, some rookie hit his first major league home run and it landed here.

It was a very rainy evening, which this picture demonstrates if you squint a lot. Sadly, the rain diminished the number of people who were able to witness history in person. But you know what they say: May showers bring May Sean Burnett saves.

Taken mere innings before The Save, this is presumably a picture of Thomas Jefferson and his mistress. Although, her skin color seems off somehow…

This was the left field foul poll used in the game when Sean Burnett earned his first save of 2012.

There you have it, future historians. Please credit me if you use these pictures when you write “Burn Ett to the Ground: The Disastrous Life of Sean Burnett.”

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One thought on “A Song of Bryce and Fire: Harper Hits First Home Run as Nats Kill Fathers

  1. […] 2.2 IP, 8 ER, 9 H, 2 BB, 5 K. Longtime readers will note that the title of this post is the second “Song of Ice and Fire” pun title that I’ve made. And don’t worry, all you […]

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