Pick Awful: Jackson’s Bad Bait Lets Marlins Swim to Victory

Bryce Harper taunted Marlins fans by striking a Captain Morgan pose and holding it for a full half inning. (Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images)

Final Score: Marlins 3, Nationals 1

Dame of the Game:

Jhonatan Solano: 1-1, 2B. Solano doubled in his first major league at-bat. It is now too late for him to correct the spelling of his first name before officially entering the baseball record books, which is sad for him and the people who read baseball’s record books. So I guess the total negative impact of this event on the happiness of humanity will actually be pretty minimal.

Shame of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 1-4, 3B, 2K. Harper chose his timing as poorly as he chooses his hairstyles, as he crushed a triple with no one on and two outs before striking out pathetically with the bases loaded and one out his next at bat.

——-

There’s nothing quite so frustrating as failing catastrophically at something you didn’t even have to do. Did you work overtime to start a new project at work that lead your company to bankruptcy? Did you give a compltetely healthy man brain surgery and accidentally kill him? Did you run a nuclear bomb safety drill so real that you actually set off a nuclear bomb, wiping out an entire city? Then perhaps you have some empathy for Edwin Jackson, whose superfluous pickoff attempt in the 7th inning resulted in a two base error and the eventual winning run for the Marlins, spoiling his otherwise great start. I can empathize with him because one time in little league I tried to pick someone off third but ended up throwing the ball past the third baseman and into a gutter. Years later I am only now beginning to recover from the emotional trauma. Edwin, if you ever need anyone to talk to about this, I’m here for you.

Anibal Sanchez beat the Nats, like he always does. Anibal silenced the Nats’ bats like lambs. Then he ate their owners alive. In a figurative sense…I hope. We’ll see how many Nationals show up to the park tonight with all their limbs and faces intact.

Washington scored its only run of the game on a suicide squeeze, a gutsy call by Davey Johnson both during the game and when he made the same move later that night while in bed with his wife. RIP Ms. Johnson.

The win brought the Marlins to within a game and a half of the Nationals in the NL East and secured them the best record of any team in baseball in the month of May. This sudden success has caused the Marlins to declare a state of “Marlinsanity” in Miami. Unfortunately, Marlinsanity just means that the few thousand Marlins fans that exist are slightly happier, while a bunch of nearby old people slowly go insane.

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