Marlins’ Johnson Bests Nats’ Wang: Washington Loses in Game of Inches

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Unlike Manny Ramirez, Heath Bell doesn’t walk behind the outfield wall to take care of his business. (AP Photo/Jeffrey Boan)

Final Score: Marlins 5, Nationals 3.

Dame of the Game:

Roger Bernadina: 1-2, 1 BB, 1 Sac Fly, 2 RBI. Shark attacks occasionally occur in the Miami area. Today we were witness to one of the worst ever recorded. While many have been murdered, dismembered, and other horrible things, the Marlins tonight experienced the worst of it, being mildly threatened by Bernadina in what turned out to ultimately be a losing effort on his part. A horrific and bloody scene, no doubt.

Shame of the Game:

Ryan Perry: .1 IP, 2 H, 1 ER. You tried pitching to Giancarlo Stanton. You are not an intelligent man.

———-

The Nationals must have hired a maid, because we’re no longer the ones doing the sweeping. One series after sweeping Atlanta, the Nationals got a taste of their own medicine at the hands of the Marlins. We’re not quite sure what caused this, but most likely some horrible mutation. Marlins should not have hands. Miami sits just a half game out of first, worrying fans there who know the only way to win a World Series in Miami is by not winning the division. They better start losing if they hope to reach the pinnacle of baseball. (Yes, that’s a convincing enough set of sentences to make them start purposely losing. You can thank me later, NL East.)

Wang’s first start of the season was not pretty. You would think based on past experiences that if he didn’t have his stuff he’d at least cheat. Sadly he just failed. After a start like tonight, which was followed by a successful relief appearance by Detwiler, you’d have to think rotation questions remain. I personally would give the 5th spot back to Ross, but — JOHN LANNAN IS A GOOD PLAYER, BRING HIM BACK — sorry, I just blacked out there for a second… Weird, felt like I didn’t have control over my own body. On a side note, I hope the black magic night promotion in Syracuse tonight was a success.

The Nationals open up a series at home on Friday night vs. Atlanta, although there is rain in the forecast. Hopefully Washington and Atlanta will be able to brave the elements. Ha. Ha. Ha.

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