Elvin Ruins: A Crumbling Ramirez, All That Remained of a Once-Great Met Bullpen, Falls to Nats in 12th

“Was the fifth bucket of gatorade really necessary, Mike?” (Patrick McDermott/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 7, Mets 6

Dame of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 2-7, 2 RBI, 2K, walk-off single in 12th. It would have been Harper’s first career walk-off, except that Bryce Harper doesn’t walk off. He  sprints off. Actually, he sprints everywhere. That serves him well on the baseball field, but it does tend to piss everyone off when he attends a Walk for Breast Cancer event.

Shame of the Game:

Jordany Valdespin: 2-4, HR, 2 R, RBI, K, 2 E. There was a lot of shame to go around this game, and there are many potential Shame of the Game winners who I hate to deprive of their rightful disgrace. But Valdespin’s two 10th inning errors, including a booted double play ball that would have won the Mets the game, easily wins the “most hilariously, predictably Met thing to do” award.


The Nationals used a time-honored strategy of Met-beating on Tuesday night: “get behind and wait for the Mets to mess up.” It worked to perfection. After going up 3-0 early, the Nationals dutifully let the Mets take the lead three times. The first two times, the Mets only messed up enough to let the Nationals tie the game, but the third time was the “charm.” I put charm in quotes because I don’t believe in magic or superstition. I just believe in the natural law of the universe that the longer you keep playing the Mets, the higher the probability that they’re going to fuck everything up in hilariously catastrophic and soul-crushing-to-their-fans fashion. By the time the Elvin Ramirez delivered his 47th pitch of the inning to Bryce Harper with the bases loaded in the 12th, that probability had crossed the threshold to absolute inevitability. Sure, it’s easy to say that events were inevitable after they happened, but really. The Mets were always going to lose last night in a way that was funny and bad. 

Let me take a break from talking about the humorous Mets to briefly mention the Nats because this is a Nats blog. Jordan Zimmermann was good except for the home runs that he’s become unfortunately fond of bequeathing to opponents lately. The bullpen wasn’t very good at all, especially Henry Rodriguez, who might be wild pitching his way to a new career in a Venezuelan dungeon where he lives in a jail cell and gets paid in two pieces of moldy bread a day. Michael Morse finally got a couple hits, so now it’s really okay to start voting for him for the all-star team.

Okay, back to the Mets. If this were a Mets humor blog, I’d make a gif of Meatspin except with Jordany Valdespin’s head on the head of the penis. Though now that I think about it, any blog that talks about the Mets is technically a Mets humor blog, so I might be able to to do that anyway. I’ll keep you posted.

Another funny thing that the Mets did: after nearly throwing a wild pitch while taking on the difficult task of intentionally walking Jesus Flores, Elvin Ramirez faced Ross Detwiler with the game on the line. Detwiler was batting because the Nats had run out of people to replace him with, and Ramirez was pitching for the same reason. It was a classic battle of two people who were both totally incompetent at the things they were trying to do. Detwiler’s made some pathetic attempts at bunting, but Ramirez made some even more pathetic attempts at throwing strikes. The ensuing walk-off-setting-up-walk was a fitting climax to an evening where everyone failed, but the Mets always failed worse.

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5 thoughts on “Elvin Ruins: A Crumbling Ramirez, All That Remained of a Once-Great Met Bullpen, Falls to Nats in 12th

  1. desandld says:

    “The Mets were always going to lose last night IT a way that was funny and bad.”

    Typo. Other than that, love the blog. Go Nationals.

    • I have fixed the typo, fired the writer, and typed this reply a lot more accurately I like to think than Elvin Ramirez would have.

      We appreciate your support of the blog. Without readers like you, we may have no readers. Honestly, we have no idea how many people read this thing. You could be the only one.

      • Neptooth says:

        As I scrounge the dumpsters for food to give to my starving family now that I have lost my livelihood, my dreams, and my reason for existence, I can only thank you for pointing out the grievous sin I have committed. I hope that you one day will find it in your heart to forgive me, but I know that is likely too much to ask.

  2. […] night was not the first time this year that the Nats have defeated the Mets in a dramatic, lead-changing, blown-saves-filled […]

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