2012 Nationals Player Profile: Corey Brown

Corey Brown gets ready for his first day of middle school (he was held back a lot).

Corey Brown is the most consistent player on the Nationals. Last year, he was 0-3. This year, he’s 0-3.

Consistency is a lifestyle for Corey. He is a firm believer that keeping to a regular schedule is the best way to maintain his sanity in this crazy world.

For instance, every morning, he wakes up three minutes too late and misses his bus. As he walks out his door, he always stubs his toe on the slightly protruding doorframe. For lunch, he makes himself a grilled cheese sandwich that he burns just enough so it tastes bad. He gets in the shower before the water heats up enough every time, and invariably has to jump out again, shivering. When he has sex with girls after games, he makes sure they’re 14 years old.

Gotta be consistent. Can’t start changing up the age of girls he has sex with now. Who knows what might happen.

One might accuse Corey Brown of not learning from his mistakes. But there’s something admirable about staying true to yourself, not abandoning the way you do things just because it’s inconvenient, painful, unpleasant, or illegal.

Or useless to the Nationals. Here’s to another 0-3 season in 2013.

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