Edwar-ding Off The Demons: Nationals Offense Surpasses Expectations Again By Not Being No-Hit


Ian Desmond wonders if the Nationals’ “no high five” policy actually exists, or was an excuse to avoid touching him since he picks his nose a lot. (Photo by Justin Edmonds/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 11, Rockies 5.

Dame of the Game:

Tyler Moore: 3-5, 2 R, 1 2B, 1 HR, 2 RBI. I bet Moore wished he played in Coors Moore often because he’d hit a lot Moore home runs. Moore than that, he’s driving in runs Moore consistently and proving to be a Moore valuable asset out of the bottom of the lineup than expected. What a tasty little Moore-sel Tyler has turned out to be.

Shame of the Game:

Chien-Ming Wang: 1 IP, 3 H, 2 ER, 1 K. Wang responded to his demotion to the bullpen with an effort that validated his demotion to the bullpen. Say what you want about him being bad, but I know why he did so bad. He really cares about Davey Johnson’s feelings and just wanted to make Davey feel confident in his choice. He is a very caring individual. And a very bad pitcher.


Is theft of property illegal? I hope not because I like Coors Field, and frankly, I want the Nationals to steal it. I don’t know what’s helped the Nationals offense score 23 runs these past 2 days, but I’m a fan. Maybe it’s the offensive reputation of the park, maybe it’s the terrible terrible pitching that the Rockies seem to have, or maybe we’re all in a drug-induced daze and the Nationals haven’t in fact scored 23 runs these past 2 days. I’m pretty sure it’s a combination of the first two, I mean they say to take two Advils for a headache, right? I did just that, two jars of Advil. And I couldn’t feel more clearheaded. Sfaoinfweiofnew buta taosdij epiear ¬†eaoirierejo :0

Perhaps even more surprising than the Nationals scoring 11 runs is that they did it in support or Jordan Zimmermann. When Jordan approached the offense after the game to ask what took them so long, they replied that they just wanted to make Jordan’s birthday special. Jordan then informed him that his birthday wasn’t today, and they all immediately groaned and petitioned the scorer to give them their runs back.

Ryan Zimmerman turned in his second straight stellar offensive showing since receiving a cortisone shot before the series. The team hopes he’s willing to get some more shots in the future based on the results, but Ryan is actually deathly afraid of needles. Rizzo is hoping that he can convince Ryan to get some more shots in the future though by rewriting his contract and adding a lollipop getting incentive.

On the other side of things, the Rockies pitching was abysmal yet again. Edwar Cabrera made his major league debut as the starter, but made it clear that his dream is to close through more or less ending the game in the third. The Rockies sent out one-time expected “Ace” and current Mike Hampton play-alike Jeremy Guthrie in relief. It was not a smart decision, just like signing Mike Hampton.

Thursday at 3:10 the Nationals will look to continue their winning ways as Edwin Jackson faces Josh Outman. I know, I’m as surprised as you are that the Rockies pitching could get an out, man.

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