Final Score: Nationals 6, Giants 5
Dame of the Game:
Adam LaRoche: 2-5, RBI, K. I’m not giving this to him because of his near-disastrous-game-winning-should-have-been-inning-ending-double-play ball, but for his successful bunt off Matt Cain in the 4th. Instead of being a stubborn ass-mule like every other left-handed hitter who’s ever been shifted on, he sucked up his “I’m a real man who hunts animals, gets tattoos and never bunts” pride, bunted to the left side, and easily got a hit. I hate every lefty who has never done this obviously correct thing.
Shame of the Game:
Brandon Crawford: No at-bats, Horrible Fielding Mistake That Ended The Game. Thank goodness for Brandon Crawford and his comrade-in-failure Brandon Belt, who Brandoned together to save Adam LaRoche from my hatred and prevent Sean Burnett from having the opportunity to probably blow the game.
Thursday night was “Turn Back the Clock” night at Nationals Park, and the year that the clock was being turned to was 1924. Consequently, I will tell the story of this game using the important events of 1924 as a metaphor.
January 23: Vladimir Lenin dies; Bottom of the 2nd: Nationals score a run. The Russian Revolution rabble-rouser’s death is good news for American democracy and free enterprise worldwide, but it is marred by the fact that Josef Stalin, who will ultimately begin the Cold War, soon begins consolidating power. Similarly, the small victory of the Nationals going up 1-0 is marred by the fact that it happened on an Ian Desmond-struck double play ball.
February 22: Calvin Coolidge is sworn in as the President of the United States; 1st-5th innings: Ross Detwiler gives up three runs on 11 hits. Both of these events are decidedly mediocre.
April 1: Hitler’s Beer Hall Putsch; Bottom of the 4th: Adam LaRoche bunts for a hit. Both Hitler’s and LaRoche’s actions were revolutionary, but both ultimately failed at the time. The Putsch was put down and Hitler arrested, and Ian Desmond struck out to end the inning.
May 24: The Asian Exclusion Act is signed into law by the US Congress; The whole game: There are no Asians on the Nationals, now that Chien-Ming Wang has been excluded to the DL.
June 28: A tornado kills 78 people in Ohio; 6-7th innings: Craig Stammen gives up two runs. This one’s pretty self-explanatory, I think.
August 18: In the wake of the signing of the Dawes Plan to solve the German war reparations problem, French troops begin withdrawing from the Rhineland; Bottom of the 7th: In the wake of Ian Desmond and Danny Espinosa’s back-to-back home runs, Matt Cain withdraws from the game.
October 15: A zeppelin successfully makes a transatlantic flight from Germany to New Jersey without exploding; Top of the 8th: Henry “Hindenburg” Rodriguez pitches a scoreless inning without exploding. Two equally unlikely events.
December 24: Albania becomes a republic. Bottom of the 9th: Nationals score two runs off Santiago Casilla to come back and win the game 6-5. Yeah, nothing particularly great happened in December 1924. Oh well. The metaphor was working well up to this point.
Let’s hope the Nationals fare better than the Albanian Republic going forward.