Here at the Zimmerman(n) Telegram, we take pride in making a new and unique sign whenever we attend a Nationals game. Given today is the worst day in all of sports with absolutely nothing going on, I thought it would be good to show you some of our signs that we have shown off at Nationals games.
The name for this blog really came about one night a few years back. Myself and Neptooth had tickets to a few consecutive Nationals games and decided to make a sign. We contemplated it for a while, and ultimately settled on calling ourselves just Zimmerman’s Telegrams, for Ryan and not Jordan was playing that night. This sign and our blog takes their names from the Zimmermann Telegram, an effort by Germany in WWI to coerce Mexico into an alliance vs. the US that failed. It was our hope that Ryan would send us a telegram in the form of a home run, and for that we made a target with Woodrow Wilson’s face on it, the US President at the time of the actual telegram, that Ryan could’ve aimed for. Additionally we printed out a sign of the actual telegram document, and used the faces of German Secretary Arthur Zimmermann and Mexican President Venustiano Carranza to count the number of strikeouts. We wore a sombrero and pointed helmet to represent both hostile nations as well. Our entire effort can be seen below:
Ryan Zimmerman ended up hitting a home run one section over from us. I can’t believe how bad of a baseball player he is, if he was good he could’ve hit our target.
We went to the game the next day with a new set of signs. They were playing the Marlins and we were sitting in left field. We looked at both team’s left fielders and thought about what we could do, coming up with the only logical thing. We would be pigmen, one of each us being a big fan of each left fielder. I was to be Coghlan’s Hog Man, and Neptooth was to be Willingham’s Willing Ham. We wore horrifying pig masks as well.
Obviously the Marlins are a team that hates creativity and laughs though, because they benched Coghlan, leaving us both to support Josh Willingham.
We added that little black S in later, if you couldn’t tell. As the game went along, we sat in our seats listening to an infuriating man talk about his life behind us. We moved one section over, after which Josh Willingham hit a home run into our old seats. I’m starting to see a pattern with our signs. They make every player Babe Ruth.
The third game of the series, we brought all the signs we had made plus one new one. Livan Hernandez was starting. Livan Hernandez was big. We made this:
Livan threw 7 innings of one run ball. Are you listening Nationals? Hire us to make signs and your players will play good.
The following year we came back down and didn’t make any new signs at the start. However we came up with a great sign to represent the backend of the bullpen. Going off of Tippecanoe and Tyler Too, a campaign slogan for 1840’s candidate William Henry Harrison and his running mate John Tyler, we came up with something for Drew Storen and his “running mate,” Tyler Clippard:
Both Tyler and Storen pitched and did well if I remember correctly, and were soon after elected to the office of President and Vice President of the United States. Or something like that.
And then this year, you may remember our signs that we brought to Strasburg’s and Gio’s starts back in May vs. the Phillies:
Of course referring to the Russian mystic Rasputin, who had a giant penis. Strasburg clearly has balls the size of Mars as well.
Just simple environmental awareness. Also dental awareness, look how good his smile is.
Both men did great, so we’re expecting that offer from the Nationals PR department any moment now.