Marlins Brand ‘o Baseball: Nats Shot Down by Fish ‘n (Bat) Barrels


Either special camera effects were used to capture this photo, or Edwin Jackson is actually a set of ghost triplets. And I doubt technology is that good yet. (Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images)

Final Score: Marlins 5, Nationals 3.

Dame of the Game:

Ryan Zimmerman: 3-3, 2 R, 1 2B, 1 HR, 1 RBI. Zim made the Marlins GIR in anger. However, Miami had Dibs on this game, and came out Tak-ing on another win while leaving the Nats tasting (Ms.) Bitters.

Shame of the Game:

Edwin Jackson: Loss, 5 IP, 6 H, 2 BB, 4 ER, 1 K. Edwin was wrecked worse than the 1816 ship of the same name. Also similarly to the shipwreck, aborigines took advantage and stole the Nationals postgame meal, and left the players to suffer on their way back to the team bus. Tom Gorzelanny collapsed from exhaustion.


There was no obvious controversy today like the Harper-Guillen bat issue. Today’s game was a much more boring one than previous ones this series. I mean everything was pretty much expected. Henry Rodriguez had control, Carlos Zambrano pitched a quality start, and the Marlins had 30,000 people in attendance. All things we have come to expect to happen so often! It’s like today was just the perfect encapsulation of everything we have come to know in baseball. Danny Espinosa got 3 hits again, Carlos Lee was a valuable asset out of the three spot in the lineup, and Heath Bell pitched a scoreless inning. Again, all anticipated. It’s like we didn’t need to watch this game at all. In fact, we probably shouldn’t have, because it was awful.

The Nationals loss today caused a split series, and the team dropped to 2-5 in 7 games at Marlins Park. They must hate the new stadium. I mean playing in front of 200 fans was probably nice, gave you the silence to concentrate. This new stadium just ruins that. Also that fishtank behind home plate just causes a lot of delays, as each batter while walking up to the plate makes a detour to tap on the glass. How could you resist getting the attention of those fishies! And of course the nightclub in the stadium, that’s the biggest distraction of all. When you go to a baseball game, it’s weird to experience occasional booming music, heavily intoxicated people, and overpriced alcohol. The Marlins have really brought this to the game for the first time, and it is clearly making the Nats uncomfortable.

The next time the Nats go on a roadtrip a week from now, they will luckily go to a stadium where the only distraction is crippling financial turmoil, Citi Field. But before then, they welcome the Mets and their Niese to Nationals Park on Tuesday night. I know she’s family, but that Niese really gets on my nerves.

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