Live Free or Clipp Hard: Nats Survive Closer’s Explosion

Tyler Clippard, just after nearly blowing the game and just before ultimately not blowing it. Also, the top of someone’s cap.

Final Score: Nationals 4, Mets 3

Dame of the Game:

Jordan Zimmermann: 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 H, 4 K. Video of Jordan Zimmermann speeding along mountain roads in a sports car, running down Mets batters on every curve. Cut to: young boy turns to the camera, whispers “Zimm Zimm.”

Shame of the Game:

Tyler Clippard: 1 IP, 2 ER, 2 HR, 2 H, 3 K, Save. The beauty of the save statistic is that it’s possible to give up two home runs in the only inning you pitch and still receive one. And by “beauty of” I mean “reason why no one should ever care about.”

——–

Ah, the joys of seeing the Nats win in person. Being so close to Michael Morse that you can practically taste his grease. Being so close to Jason Bay that you can practically taste his disappointment in the way his life turned out. What a thrill.

It didn’t occur to me at the time, but in retrospect I shouldn’t have bothered to come to the game until Jordan Zimmermann was out of it, since it was obvious neither his opponents nor his supposed supporters were going to score before then.

Sometime in the first 5 1/2 innings of inevitably uneventful baseball.

Even when the first 2/3 of a Nationals game are essentially predetermined by Jordan Zimmermann’s effectiveness and his offense’s hatred for him, there is always one good reason to be in Nationals Park around the middle of the game: the running of the presidents. And last night’s race was perhaps the best I’ve ever personally experienced.

The race paid tribute to The Dark Knight Rises, which for those of you who don’t care about High Art comes out tonight at midnight. And, well…here are some pictures.

The villain always loses in the end.

Ironically, the Nationals were not the only ones to associate Bane with a presidential candidate.

I guess one could consider Abraham Lincoln to be a “Dark Knight,” in that he was a heroic knight for dark people.

After Zimmermann left, things were allowed to get interesting, and Adam LaRoche (the most interesting man in the world) got that process started with a two run homer. Things were looking good going to the 7th.

Oh no. Here they come. Here comes the Nightmare Team. No no no NO NO NO NO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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AAAAAAAAAHHhhhhh phew. Okay, made it through that house of horrors with only one run allowed. Plus, Steve Lombardozzi lombarded the right field scoreboard to give the Nats a couple insurance runs.

Those runs would prove to be decisive, as Tyler Clippard seems to have forgotten all the things that he did that made him different from Henry Rodriguez and Brad Lidge. The only plausible explanation is that he wants to avoid any drama when his friend/lover(?) Drew Storen returns from injury today. It’s really very considerate of Tyler to provide Davey Johnson with a good reason to give Storen his old job back, without actually costing the Nationals any wins. I always knew it’d work out in the end. That’s what true love is all about.

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