Well Mets: Nats Happy to See, Beat Funniest Team in Baseball

The ball wasn’t even moving, and they still ended up like this trying to get it. (Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 8, Mets 2

Dame of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 2-4, HR, 3 RBI, 2 R, BB. Bryce, Bryce baby.

Shame of the Game:

Pedro Beato: .1 IP, 4 ER, 4 H, BB. Bless you. Bless you. Bless you. Oh, were you so horrible because you sneezed every time you tried to throw a pitch?

——–

Ah, The Mets. They’re not that bad, really. Their actual baseball talent level this year is better than most people expected it to be. Their ability to lose baseball games in the most hilarious and soul-annihilating-to-their-fans ways possible, however, is exactly what people expected it to be: fantastic. They’re the best. No one can top them at this highly not-coveted skill. They are the baseball team equivalent of a sad clown.

The Nats had a lovely evening out at the circus last night. The whole event wasn’t a comedy, of course. They spent the first 9 innings admiring the impressive skills of the performers, who kept the game tied at two through some tight rope-walking by starter Chris Young and impressive feats of strength from strongmen David Wright and Ike Davis. They even had a bearded lady named R.A. Dickey.

But the Mets Traveling Circus is most famous for one thing: its clowns. Naturally, they saved their best act for the climactic moment of the show, and the clowns did not disappoint. In the top of the 10th, with no one out after a Roger Bernadina single, shortstop Ruben Tejada trotted out sporting a colorfully painted face and floppy shoes. The crowd could barely contain their anticipation. Sure enough, the very next play, he dropped a perfectly good throw from the pitcher on a potential double-play ball. Oh, how they laughed. The Nats, the fans, the world, all doubled over in uproarious laughter.

The comedy of errors was just getting started. Enter Pedro Beato, hair red and frizzled, nose bright and bulbous, fool’s motley patched and tattered. The audience was ready for the next slapstick mishap. First it was a Steve Lombardozzi single, loading the bases and the setting the stage is set for humor. Bryce Harper strode to the plate, looking to cause mischief. Beato asked him in an exaggerated falsetto, “Are you enjoying the performance?”

Harper grinned knowingly and retorted “That’s a clown question, bro.” The crowd’s chuckles at his wit turned to raucous  guffaws as he scorched a single to right. Some jokes are funny even when you know they’re coming. Tears of mirth streamed down their cheeks and they clutched their stomachs, gasping for air. The audience was left so preoccupied that they nearly missed the last two punchlines–two hilariously bad fastballs to Ryan Zimmerman and Michael Morse that were appropriately crushed to the right-center field wall and then over it.

Tom Gorzelanny got a standing ovation from the circus fans as he finished off the hapless Mets, which was the first time that’s ever happened to him.

Ha, the Mets.

Heh.

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