2012 Nationals Player Profile: Kurt Suzuki

Kurt Suzuki never looks anyone in the eyes because his only goal in life is to never lose a staring contest.

The Kurt Suzuki Rap (Not Very Good)

Yo

Yo yo yo yo

Unnnnnnnnnnnnnnh

My name is Kurt Suzuki
Got an arm like a bazook-I
But my bat’s more like a wet pool noodle

I love long walks on the beach
Letting out a primal screech
Scarfing down a plate of warm apple streudel

Share my last name with Ichiro
But don’t expect me to be your hero
No I don’t really deserve to be annointed

Though I might get some caught stealings
You’ll just end up with hurt feelings
And then cry yourself to sleep so disappointed

Yo yo yo uuuuuunnnnnnnnnnhhhhhhhh

(sung, badly)
Because I’m not very good!
Not very good, no
Not very gooooooooooood!
Preeeeeeeeeeeetty bad

UNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH

(Shouted)
They called me an Athletic, a dubious claim
My physical skills are actually pretty lame

(Screeched)
I MAY PROVIDE A LITTLE BIT OF VALUE AS A CATCHER
BUT WHEN I’M AT THE PLATE I’M NO BETTER THAN MARGARET THATCHER

I’m…assuming that…Margaret Thatcher…would probably have been a bad hitter…if she played baseball.

Yo.

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