Brawl for All: Nats KO Cubs with 4th Straight Smackdown

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As benches clear and tensions rise, Ian Desmond and the ump share a passionate moment. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Final Score: Nationals 9, Cubs 2.

Dame of the Game:

Jordan Zimmermann: Win, 7 IP, 5 H, 1 BB, 2 ER, 9 K. Jordan has returned to form after a few starts that made Nats fans nervous. At least I think this was Jordan… It could very well be Strasburg pulling a Scooby Doo villain-like thing and wearing a very convincing mask. Well if that’s the case, I’m all for it. I’d be sure he’d get away with it too, if it wasn’t  for that meddling GM.

Shame of the Game:

Jayson Werth, for swinging at a 3-0 pitch. Honestly Jayson, how could you?! That is so terrible of you, to want more insurance runs in the middle of a game that could be tied easily. Well, easily if it were a team aside from the Cubs. Maybe next time you’ll think twice before trying to score runs. Which is a strategy that the Cubs have seemed to adopt.

———-

“You gotta fight! DUM DUM. For your right! To swing at 3-0 pitches!” – From the first draft of the Beastie Boys song, when they were still a baseball themed rap group. They realized there was no chance for being the best though, with the 1986 Mets and their rapping genius.

The only thing the Cubs are successful at is starting strange non-sensical arguments. Maybe they should all run for office as Republicans, they’d be much more successful at that. For some reason on Thursday, they took offense at Jayson Werth swinging at a 3-0 pitch with the bases loaded. Maybe they were just really concerned with balls flying in the air since so many people were on the field. You know what they say, safety first. Or in Wrigley, failure first, safety second. Thankfully for the Cubs, they came through on both ends.

After Werth’s perfectly fine swinging at a 3-0 pitch, the Cubs bench got angry. Maybe because Werth fouled it off, and they were saddened that fans had to wait another pitch for some excitement. Cubs bench coach Jamie Quirk began to yell at Bo Porter, for some quirky reason. Bo Porter went over and got into it with him, causing the first clearing of the benches. If only Curtis Pride was our third base coach we could’ve avoided all this trouble.

While the benches cleared that first time, everything went back to normal. But then came the bottom of the 6th, and up came Bryce Harper. Harper was targeted once this year by Cole Hamels, which came back to bite him. Since Harper is so young that he’s still teething and needed something to chew on. Tonight, Cubs pitcher and Northern Polish resident Lendy Castillo, decided to do his best Cole Hamels impression and throw at Harper. Harper took offense, and probably took home also, and the benches cleared again.

This time, things weren’t so calm. Cubs catcher Steve Clevenger took a swing at Ian Desmond, yet missed just as badly as he does when taking swings at baseballs. The fight persisted for a little while, with no Cub ending up doing any damage. A true microcosm of their season.

In the end, the Nats took their 4th game of the series and swept Chicago out of town. We won’t have to see this pathetic team again this season. Something I bet Cubs fans wish they could also say.

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