Heck of a Job, Brownie: After Severe Storm, Nats Successfully Clean Up Mess

Us featured on MASN again, though probably not as intentionally on their part as last time.

Final Score: Nationals 7, Marlins 6

Dame of the Game:

Jayson Werth: 1-5, 1 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI. Jayson Werth was a shame of the game candidate before the rain delay, but afterwards he was the star. I guess Werth is like a flower, he just needs to be watered to reach his full potential. Also like a flower, some people get allergies when they get too close to Jayson. Probably cause of whatever’s stuck in that mound of hair on his face.

Shame of the Game:

Adam LaRoche: 2-5, 1 E (should be 2), 3 Earned Runs. A simple grounder went through LaRoche’s legs in the 5th which led to two runs, and a failure to pick a low but easy Zimmerman throw later led to another. Clearly Adam should not be considered to replace Strasburg in the rotation, considering the amount of runs he allows. However, he would be a good fit for the next vacancy for the Marlins closing role.


The magic we felt upon entering Nationals Park yesterday no longer remained. A decision had been announced that we were all dreading. Many in the ballpark were shaking their heads. But that would be hard not to do, the promotional Ryan Zimmerman bobbleheads were just so fun to play with! They could only distract from the pain for so long though, as the reality set in: Stephen Strasburg is done.

The decision for such an early shutdown was a surprise. But not a good surprise, like a surprise birthday party. No, this was in fact quite the opposite. No balloons, no presents, and 30,000 people in attendance. …nobody shows up for my birthday parties :(.

But even without Stephen, the team had to move on. And what better way to move on than to play some baseball. So let’s just go out there, play the Marlins, throw the baseball, a…WAIT DON’T THROW IT TO STANTON.

Ok, let’s not do that again.

Failed presidential candidate, noted racist, and current Marlins first base coach Strom Thurman.

The game got off to a bad start, with the Nats going down 3-0. But this is a team that loves coming from behind. Just look at last night’s game, or any mid-game bullpen orgy. I had a lot of faith, and my faith soon was rewarded by Jesus. Simply another miracle to further his legend; turning sliders into homers.

People began to get excited. Mostly thanks to a savvy, inspirational, African-American orator from Washington who gave us the ability to hope again. I am of course referring to Terrance.

Terrence Long has fallen on hard times.

The players began to produce runs in greater numbers. Espinosa brought the team within one, and then LaRoche produced some more runs. Sadly, they were for Miami thanks to a casually played ground ball that went through his legs. I know he has ADHD, but come on Adam. Don’t get so easily distracted. You have to.


I’m gonna go do laundry.

We encountered a horrifying Bryce Harper mutant in the team store.

The giant Bryce Harper face we found in the store, despite seeming oddly large, was proportional to his muscles. With the team down 5-2, Harper launched a 444 foot home run into the second deck. When the ball finally hit the seats Giancarlo Stanton confusingly started rounding the bases as well, thinking he was the only one who could do something like that.

Teddy in his rightful place, on the ground on the warning track.

As always, the game took a backseat to the true spectacle of the day, the Presidents Race. Abe Lincoln was a casualty for the second straight day, leading me to think that these suits are filled with the relatives of John Wilkes Booth.

The Marlins scored yet another run to go up 6-3. Washington came up in the 8th with things looking bleak, but A.J. Ramos couldn’t get an out for Miami as he gave up a 2-run home run to Ryan Zimmerman. Maybe there was no Curse of the Catcher after all, maybe just people named Ramos have terrible times at Nats Park. I guess Real Madrid won’t be booking an exhibition game here anytime soon.

Suddenly, things looked bright again. Aside from things actually looking bright again, the sky looked pretty frightening. But the team managed to load the bases and bring up the most intimidating, scariest animal in the entire stadium. Roger Bernadina, otherwise known as the…

Three words that apply to Roger Bernadina.

The stadium came alive, with tens of thousands chanting “Shark!” Sadly for the second straight game, Roger turned out to be more of a whale shark than anything else, doing no damage at all. Oh well, clearly he’s outlived his usefulness on the diamond. I’m in the mood for some soup, what about you?

Giancarlo Stanton’s walk-up music is a thunderstorm.

The forecast did not look good for today’s game, but rain held off long enough to get 8 and a half innings in. How cruel it is to tempt us, with two and a half hours of foreplay and whatnot leading up to the big climax, and then to be blueballed like this! Ugh, well if you’re not gonna finish me, I’ll just have to go finish it on my own. By playing a complete game in MVP 2005.

The most disappointing tarp since this one.

We waited for what felt like hours for the game to resume. It was in fact 2.5 hours until it did start again, so the feeling of how much time passed was pretty accurate. Just a few hundred people remained, with many having left during the delay. What, not big enough baseball fans? Have too much of a life that occupies you with work and family so that you can’t just waste 3 hours waiting for a half inning to be played at a baseball game? …What’s that like?

The game resumed with Heath Bell coming in to close the game for Miami, which of course meant Heath Bell would fail to close the game for Miami. Pitching to the first batter he faced, Jayson Werth hit a monster home run to tie the game and send it into extras. Might I suggest a business idea for some entrepreneurial Miami businessman? The Heath Bar. A delicious sounding establishment full of sad Marlins fans who flock there whenever Heath Bell comes into pitch. Actually, it would probably go out of business pretty quick. You need any fans at all before you can have sad fans.

Kurt Suzuki has a chance to be a hero. (Note: by “chance,” I do not mean “likelihood”)

In the bottom of the 10th, the Nationals loaded the bases as the Marlins loaded the infield. With five infielders, the outfield was wide open. Corey Brown realized this, and strategically placed a ball that he strategically flailed at and strategically poked to right field. He strategically convinced Mike Stanton to have it strategically bounce off his glove, and allow the winning run to score. What a great strategy, Corey. They weren’t expecting it.

The Nationals swarm the field after their victory, to the cheers of thousands of elated seats.

The Nationals won a thriller on Saturday. It was well worth waiting for nearly three hours to watch the exciting conclusion. Well, not worth it financially, I mean I could’ve made money during that time and contributed to society. But worth it from a fan’s perspective.

I just have one regret. I didn’t get to stop at Hard Tim’s before it closed.

Hard Tim always lives up to his name.

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