Rookie hazing is a part of baseball. It’s kind of like fraternity hazing, only there’s a lot less alcohol involved. Unless you’re a member of the Houston Astros, where that is the only thing to numb the harsh reality that you’re a Houston Astro. Thanks to a tweet from Gio Gonzalez, we found out just how the Nationals are hazing their rookies; by making them dress up as the 2012 USA women’s Olympic gymnastics team.
Well now just who is who? Which National is which Gold Medalist Olympian?
Bryce Harper – Gabby Douglas. Just like Gabby, Bryce is younger than many teammates, but has stepped up in a way that has made him a leader. Gabby won the Gold in the All-Around competition at the Olympics, and Bryce is an all-around type of player. Both their performances from 2012 will be remembered, but where they differ is that Bryce will probably still have a job come 2016.
Tyler Moore – McKayla Maroney. I am reminded of the famous picture of McKayla looking unimpressed when I see Tyler in Gio’s tweet. Unlike his teammates, Tyler is standing off to the side, seemingly upset despite that medal around his neck. At least we have a new meme.
Sandy Leon – Kyla Ross. These two are extremely alike. I mean, how many times have you heard the name of either one? Very little. They’re practically the same level of insignificant when it comes to reporting on the team.
Corey Brown – Aly Raisman. Corey came through in the clutch in Saturday’s game to beat that damn Communist sympathizer, just like Aly did by beating the Russians. The sympathizer I’m referring to is of course Ozzie “I love Fidel Castro” Guillen.
Steve Lombardozzi – Jordyn Wieber. I don’t see any personal similarities. They’re both just very small.
Hmm, we’re out of Olympians. Let’s just consider Eury Perez to be the alternate who never got mentioned. And we can call Christian Garcia…well we should probably just call the cops on him because he is exposing a lot more of himself than I ever needed to see.