A Minor Catastrophe: Nats Get Swept by Braves

The game is so depressing that Ian Desmond tries to strangle himself. (AP Photo/David Goldman)

Final Score: Braves 5, Nationals 1

Dame of the Game: 

Chad Durbin: 1 IP, 0 R, 1 H, 1 K. Just in case this is the last time I get to say it this year…Dur.

*sniffle*

Bin.

Shame of the Game: 

Mark DeRosa: 0-1. What is he still doing here? Did we just forget he was on the team because he’s so boring? Who was supposed to get this at-bat? Are we sure they’re still alive?

——–

Baaaaa-ba-da-ba-BA-BAAAA

Jon Miller: Welcome to Sunday Night Baseball. I’m Jon Miller, and this is my partner Joe-

Joe Morgan: Joe Mogrom.

Miller: Morgan.

Morgan: Mortgage.

Morgan: Joe Morgan.

Miller: Tonight, divisional rivals Washington Nationals and Atlanta Braves battle it out in a potential playoff preview. These are two great teams–what do you think is the key to the game, Joe?

Morgan: Well, Gio Gonzalez has a chance to get his 20th win tonight. That would really put him strongly in Cy Young contention. And if he does that, I think the Nationals might have a real shot in the playoffs with a 20 game winner on their staff.

Miller: Great point, Joe. Alright, let’s get to the starting lineups. Leading off for the Nationals, Carlos BelTRAN.

Morgan: That’s not Carlos Beltan, that’s Jayson Werth.

Miller: What? Oh, yeah. Batting second…

(Bottom of the third)

Morgan: This Nationals team is pretty good, but my ’75 Reds were better. I mean, we had Johnny Bench, Dave Chair, Steve Stool, Lou La-Z-Boy, and me, Joe Sofa.

Miller: Joe Morgan.

Morgan: That’s right. I mean, what a team.

(Bottom of the 6th)

Morgan: Davey Johnson’s a great baseball man, but he’s making a huge mistake here taking out Gio Gonzalez. He can’t get a win now! He might not get to 20 wins. How will the Nationals get anywhere in the playoffs without a 20-game winner?

Miller: Great point, Joe.

(Top of the 8th)

Morgan: The Nationals are really suffering this game from an inability to get RBIs. RBIs are a crucial part of getting runs and they’re just not getting them.

Miller: On the ground to short, fielded cleanly by BelTRAN, fires to first for the out. What a cannon that Carlos BelTRAN has.

——–

(Top of the 9th)

Miller: You know Joe, sometimes I wonder if we’re even actually announcing Sunday Night Basebeball anymore, or if ESPN just puts us in a room with a TV and microphones and pays us $5 an hour so we won’t complain.

Morgan: That reminds me of the time that the Big Red Machine was so good because it had pitchers who could get wins and hitters who could get RBIs. They don’t make teams like that anymore, let me tell you.

Miller: And BelTRAN strikes out BelTRAN to end the game. Have a good night, everyone.

Morgan: Joe Morgel.

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