The Kemperor’s New Clothes: Clippard Can’t See Dodger Uniforms After Surrendering Home Run

When Zimmerman returned the ball to Lannan, it read, simply, “I wish you were someone else.”

Final Scores: Nationals 3, Dodgers 1; Dodgers 7, Nationals 6.

Dame of the Games: Jordan Zimmermann: 6 IP, 1 ER, 6 H, 2 BB, 4 K. After a number of bad starts recently, Jordan was back to his old tricks. And I don’t mean that trick he used to play on his mother where he would fake his own death. That was mean.

Shame of the Games: John Lannan. 3.2 IP, 6 ER, 8 H, 2 BB, 3 K.. It’s not John Lannan’s fault that he’s such a bad pitcher, really. He, like most people on this earth, is destined to an existence of never truly excelling in his field of choice. Can we really fault him for simply performing at the same level most of us do?

Yes. Hypocrisy’s never stopped me before.

——–

Every time I hear the word “doubleheader,” naturally the first thing I think of is two baseball games in the same day. But the second thing I think of is some kind of creature that has two heads. Any such creature could, of course, be described as a double-header.

Double-headers can be good, bad, or neutral. My feelings about yesterday’s doubleheader between the Nats and the Dodgers can thus be chronicled in terms of pictures of creatures with two heads that I deem either good, bad, or neutral. Makes sense, right?

For instance. Yesterday’s doubleheader was a single admission doubleheader (I picture a double-headed creature who has only ever admitted guilt to a single horrible crime in his life), so my ticket to the nightcap could have gotten me into both games. But due to Other Commitments, I only arrived at Nats Park after the first game had ended. At that point, the doubleheader was going quite well. The Nats had won the first game 3-1. It looked something like this:

The second game, however, got pretty horrifying in a hurry. John Lannan pitched like a man on a mission to not pitch well, while Josh Beckett pitched like a man with disgusting facial hair. And also very well. My feelings after the Dodgers took a 6-0 lead on a monstrous blown call can be summed up by this double-header:

The only bright spot in this early misery was this extremely right-thinking man a few rows in front of me:

A man pays tribute to Todd with both his shirt and his excess body fat.

The Presidents Race happened, which brought to mind this terrible political cartoon I just found in a google search:

The Presidents complete their daily exercise before being put back in the Presidents Cage.

But then! A six run comeback! I could barely keep my teeth in my mouth.

The comeback.

Then Tyler Clippard brought the horror back.

A rough approximation of Matt Kemp.

The come back to sadness. A bit blurry because of the tears.

And so, after all was said and done and won and lost, the doubleheader proved to be a neutral one.

Here he is.

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