On the Road to the Playoffs, TomTom Directs Us Towards a Win

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With all eyes on the screen, Tyler realizes that nobody will notice if he takes a quick peek at Chad Tracy’s butt. (Photo by Rob Carr/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals STILL DIVISION CHAMPS (otherwise known as 4), Phillies 2.

Dame of the Game:

Adam LaRoche: 2-3, 2 R, 1 2B, 1 HR, 1 RBI, 1 BB. An Adam Bomb clearly went off tonight. How else would you explain the severe physical deformities of the Phillies fans present? …Huh? Cheese whiz, you say?

Shame of the Game:

Josh Lindblom: Loss, 1 IP, 3 H, 1 BB, 2 ER. With performances like these I would say that the Phillies got the worse end of the Shane Victorino trade. But then I remember they sent Shane Victorino far away, so they clearly won.

———-

Tom Gorzelanny is like the ugly duckling. After months of us making fun of him for how he looked, he showed up today and put together a solid start to set the Nationals on the right track for Tuesday’s game. I’m more willing to accept him now. Sadly for him, he’s not exactly like the ugly duckling, in that his looks are still subpar. Replacing Gio in a spot start is a tough task, especially when you’ve got something weird going on with your mouth like Tom does. But he shone bright. We’d recommend you not look directly at him though. Because he’s shining so bright of course… Ok, I lied, it’s cause of something else.

From the starter to the lineup, the entire team today was like a band of misfits. Harper and LaRoche were the only regulars to start. We were otherwise treated to names like Mark DeRosa, Chad Tracy, AND Sandy Leon. Man, those guys are such an impressive trio. They’re like our version of a musical power trio, kind of like The Police. DeRosa is like Sting, once relevant but not so much anymore. And the other two players are like the other two members of The Police. Forgettable for most, unless you’re a big fan.

As one of the few regulars playing today, LaRoche took center stage. He hit his 33rd home run, and surpassed the 100 RBI mark. If you told the average person that Adam LaRoche would have a 30/100 year coming into this season, what do you think they’d say? I think they’d say, “who is Adam LaRoche?” But if you told the average baseball fan that, they would surely doubt you. Adam has proven all the doubters wrong and shown he can still play at a high level. Hopefully he can remain that high, assuming MLB doesn’t bust him for pot use or something.

Not only was it a big comeback moment for LaRoche, but also for Zach Duke. Duke got his first win since August of 2011. Many would argue that this is Duke’s biggest win since 2010, when he won a great deal of happiness by being traded away from Pittsburgh.

Did I mention we’re still division champions? Cause if I didn’t, let me do that. The Nationals are still division champions. There we go, it’s just so nice to say. I don’t think it’ll ever get old to say that. Unless you say the Davey Johnson-led Nationals are division champions. Then it ages greatly.

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