Nationals Sign Dan Haren


Taken moments after a good hand lick.

There are benefits and downsides to sleeping late. On the plus side I feel more rested, I let my sore muscles recuperate, and I spend less time awake still unable to escape the horrible thoughts of game 5 of the NLDS. The horror.

But on the downside people tend to have the nerve to move on with the world while I’m unaware of what’s going on. This morning I woke up to some news that was already hours old. That news is of course that the Nationals have signed Dan Haren to a 1 year, 13 million dollar contract, pending a physical. What am I supposed to do now? It’s hard to draw interest to a story like this when so many have already been written. I need something to attract people. Maybe a few key words will draw a new crowd in, some popular terms that many people search. I’ll just toss a few right in here:

Obama, boobs, Lindsay Lohan, Facebook, colonoscopies, alien mud men, fiscal cliff, The Hobbit, Christmas, Bryce Harper penis (according to our blog’s analytics that is a very popular search), and juice boxes.

Hopefully that gets a new crowd of people to stumble upon this story.

Haren’s signing is the biggest one of the offseason, and might be the last major move for this team. He provides us with a stellar 5-man again, and is arguably an upgrade over Edwin Jackson. I hope that with this move assuring us of not bringing back Jackson, we can finally move past that whole “birther” issue. I know a lot of people were uncomfortable with a black man in Washington, but for them to come up with ridiculous notions due to their insecurity and racism was just absurd. Yes, I know Jackson had pitched in Arizona, but that does not mean he snuck over the border as an illegal. Get over it already.

Haren comes with some concerns, after injury issues last year as well as a declining velocity. But throughout his career, Haren has been one of the more consistently impressive pitchers in the game. Please, don’t let the fact he was traded for Joe Saunders fool you, as Dan is actually very talented.

Just like my concern with bringing in Span though, I worry about what number Dan will wear in Washington. Dan has worn 24 for the past few years, which in D.C. belongs to the great Kurt Suzuki. Will Kurt give it up? It’s hard to imagine seeing Kurt wearing any other number. But maybe after his postseason heroics last year he’d already planned a change to #1. For he is #1 in all our hearts. (Sorry Steve Lombardozzi, you haven’t done anything for my heart.)

This move means we probably won’t trading away players for Shields, or signing Greinke to a big contract, which I am perfectly fine with. A deal just like this worked out great for us and Jackson last year, and I’m confident it will work out very well for Haren this year. I’m excited to be a part of Dan’s Harem this upcoming season. I hope he provides us with as much pleasure this season as we’ll provide him with thanks to our new fan group.

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