Taip-ei Diabetes: Cuba Kills Opponents With Sugar

Tragically, the elderly Diaz did not survive his ill-conceived attempt to block the plate.

Tragically, the elderly Diaz did not survive his ill-conceived attempt to block the plate.

Final Score: Cuba 14, Chinese Taipei 0

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: Cuba severs diplomatic ties with Taiwan in 1960

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This game was a bit…one sided. Like a one-sided die that’s just a marble that says “Cuba Wins” all over it. They really could have just rolled that die before the game to decide the winner and saved themselves the trouble.

If the theme of our World Baseball Classic coverage was to use major league players hailing from the countries involved as a metaphor for the game, this game would’ve been Aroldis Chapman and Chien-Ming Wang trying to see who can throw harder. But it’s not. So HERE’S SOME FUCKING HISTORY.

As I already described in summing up the Cuba-China game, Sino-Cubano relations have not always been pork lo mein and cigars. But they’ve been a whole lot better than Taiwan-Cuba relations, mainly because Taiwan-Cuba relations haven’t even existed in over half a century.

Back in 1960, when Fidel Castro was still playing nice with China, he cut off relations with Taiwan in a gesture of goodwill to the mainland. Of course, Fidel didn’t bother to think about how much that might hurt the feelings of the Taiwanese. Relations still have not been resumed, which puts the diplomatic score between Cuba and Taiwan at about 53-0, in my book.

Astute readers will note that 53-0 is slightly higher than the actual score of this game, which was a mere 14-0. However, the game was called in the middle of the 7th due to “mercy.” If they’d kept going, a margin of 53 would definitely have been doable.

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