You might be asking yourself, “What is this series recap for? Why no individual game recaps? Where are my pants?” The answers: Less work for us but a higher quality of posts, don’t worry we’ll still be doing them on occasion, and I took them. But lets not worry about pants and crimes. Let’s worry about baseball, specifically the series between the Nationals and Reds over the weekend.
Reds 15, Nationals 0.
If you’re a big Nats fan like me, you really enjoyed watching…whatever was on the first channel I could turn to in order to get away from this horrible terrible game. Unless of course you couldn’t find the remote, and you were too lazy or obese to move from the couch to turn away from this hellish game. Sorry you had to endure that, Livan.
Now people say it’s important to remember and honor your history, which is what the Nationals did with their performance on Friday. But sometimes paying homage to your past days isn’t the best idea. Why do you think Germany doesn’t really talk about the Nazis anymore? Because they had too many 15-0 losses, that’s why. So Nationals, take after Germany and lets not bring up bad memories anymore.
The big story of the game was Dan Haren’s Nationals debut, and subsequent exile from this team. At least I sent him a letter in the mail telling him to go away because I was upset. I assume he followed orders. But I’m thinking that maybe Haren returns from exile and achieves dominance again, much like Napoleon did after his exile. Only without the whole terrible defeat at the end. But I assume as long as we don’t play an exhibition vs. the Waterloo Bucks of the Northwoods League, we should be fine.
Nationals 7, Reds 6.
What did we tell you? Do you even listen? In this fan-team relationship, it’s important we have good communication. I want you to value my opinions, instead of just insisting everything you do is right. It makes me feel terrible when I’m ignored. So please. Next time…don’t let Rafael Soriano in the stadium?
Soriano blew the 1st of what I assume will be…how many games are left? 1st of 157 blown saves on the season. Yes, he was assisted by Drew Storen in the team’s late inning collapse. But going back to perfectly acceptable Nazi metaphors, its hard to blame anyone more than Hitler.
Soriano is like genital herpes. He’s not pleasant to deal with, and even if he lulls you into a false sense of security by being harmless for a little bit, he will ultimately return and ruin your penis.
The Nationals won in the end though, and proved they can overcome genital herpes. Clearly this is a team made up of ballplayers more talented than Derek Jeter.
Reds 6, Nationals 3.
A 15-0 loss. A bad flare up of herpes. What better way to get over these two terrible things than to run Strasburg out there to have one of his fantastic st-ohnonononoon what are you doing?!?!
Sorry, my dog was eating my pizza. Now back to that Strasburg st-ohnnonononononoon what are you doing?!?!
Damn, I should put him in his crate while I eat. Now back to that Strasburg start. Oh. Not a good start. Oh well, sometimes bad things happen.
There wasn’t a whole lot of good to say about this game except for, of course, Kurt Suzuki. Kurt “3 for 4 with a 3-run HR” Suzuki. His nickname needs work, sure. But you get the point.
Overall there weren’t many positives to take away from this series. The team barely got away with a win, and were flat out embarrassed in the opener. But hopefully things change for the better in the upcoming series. It is 2-for-1 Tuesday at Nats Park tomorrow, so things will probably improve. Hopefully MLB is confused by the promotion and awards the team 2 wins for a victory. Even if they don’t, 2 hot dogs for the price of one! That’s better than a World Series Championship.