Last year, I did my best to provide analysis for the Nationals draft picks. However, as the rounds went on and on, I knew less and less about the players and really couldn’t give you much information. This year, with my lack of amateur baseball knowledge, I decided to give each player something I know a lot about. Nicknames based on terrible puns. So let’s take a look at the Nationals picks from rounds 3-10, and give them their very first MLB nickname…
Pick 105: Drew “Daryle” Ward. Not only does this serve as his nickname, but it’s also something I did many a time for my erotic fanfiction novels involving 90s baseball players.
Pick 136: Nicholas “The Fulcrum” Pivetta. Because our future hinges on him. And other people. Mostly other people.
Pick 166: Austin “Battle O” Voth. If you slur your words just the right way, this sounds like a Star Wars reference. Also, if you slur your words just the right way, you could get arrested while driving. Give both a try, see which one is more rewarding.
Pick 196: Cody “The Penguin” Gunter. What time is it? Adventure Time! I just hope Tom Gorzelanny doesn’t kidnap all the baseball princesses since he can’t seduce any of them on his own.
Pick 226: James “Bond” Yezzo. Because a guy with the last name Yezzo is already the coolest man alive. Let’s give him the coolest nickname too.
Pick 256: David “The Ice Cream Man” Napoli. I decided upon this nickname because of Neapolitan ice cream, which relates to his last name. Plus the colors match the different aspects of his existence. The vanilla represents the white of his skin, the chocolate matches the brown of his glove, and the strawberry matches the red of the pre-game raspberries I assume he gives to his teammates. Wait, that’s not a baseball tradition? Oh, I have some apologies to make to some confused high school baseball teammates.
Pick 286: Jake “Ulysses” Joyce. I gave him this nickname because I don’t know anything about him, much like I don’t know anything about classic literature.
Pick 316: Brennan “The Justice” Middleton. A strong believer in the “one person, one vote” principle. Voting 25 times for an all star lineup is too much.