Category Archives: Erotica

Current Nationals in Playgirl

Image

Hot.

Above you see (or don’t see if you cover your eyes like any reasonable person would do) Steve McCatty, mostly naked. Earlier today, Baseball Prospectus published an article detailing a 1980s Playgirl featuring Major League Baseball players and their sexy scouting reports.

Well believe it or not, magazines are still around. Including Playgirl. And I just so happened to be looking through one for more Steve McCatty pictures when I found something interesting… It turns out that a lot of the current Nationals players also posed in Playgirl, just recently. Below I’ve included some of the photos, and some of their scouting reports.

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Happy 69 Wins!

The Nationals are about to win their 70th game of the season, which is a very bittersweet moment for us here at The Zimmerman(n) Telegram. On the one hand, it’s nice to see them get so many wins so early. On the other hand, a part of me wishes they could stay at 69 wins forever.

Let’s take a moment to reflect on those Nationals teams that never made it to 69. The 2008 and 2009 Nationals, we salute you. You endured great tragedy and immense deprivation. As for the 2010 Nats, who finished a 69-83, well, you got an entire offseason of sitting on 69. Bet that felt good. That’s really when this team got turned around.

Now, before Craig Stammen gets these last three outs, celebrate 69 wins however you feel is most appropriate.

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This Actually Exists

This video of four members of the Nationals bullpen reading passages from Fifty Shades of Grey is funnier than anything I could possibly say about it. Baseball players need to spend more of their time doing things like this.

It would only be slightly more perfect if it were Clippard and Drew Storen staring longingly at each other. Oh well. I guess they have to save that for a more private setting.

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Ménage à Trois

…I couldn’t see the tops of their heads, and I had to put the caps somewhere.

Before the Mets lost to the Cardinals this afternoon, it was a three way tie atop the NL East. That close in the standings, some peoples’ tongues are just bound to run into each other.

The standings were also the exact opposite of the NL East standings from 2010. Speaking of things that are better when they’re the opposite, Chien-Ming Wang’s name backwards is Gnaw Gnim-Neihc.

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If it Feels So Right, How Can it Be Wang?: A Disabled List Love Story

“Taiwant you so bad,” whispers Cyndi in the ear of a sweat-glistened Chien-Ming Wang. The bar reeks of desperation and despair, and no hopeless scent is more acrid than Wang’s. He has just been non-tendered by the New York Yankees, following a miserable injury-plagued season and a half. But Cyndi’s gentle touch on his shoulder is the opposite of non-tender.

His shoulder. The reason why his $5 million contract is gone. It has still not fully recovered from the season-ending surgery he underwent in June. Wang shivers, and he doesn’t know if it’s from the sadness or the desire. Cyndi clearly thinks it’s the latter, giving him a wink as she retreats behind the bar to take another customer’s order. Wang puts his head in his hands. He can’t do this. He has a wife and a young daughter. How could he live with himself if he betrayed them? And yet…his career might be over. Nothing in life seems to give him satisfaction anymore. Maybe he needs Cyndi.

She whirls back around to face him and hands him another drink. “So, what do you do?” she asks. “I…uh…sell cars.” Want doesn’t want to disclose his true identity. “What kind of cars?” “Uh…mostly…gray cars. With doors.” She nods and smiles. He’s not sure if she believes him or not. “My shift is over. Want to get out of here?”

Wang wants. Cyndi leads him out of the bar, grinning at him. “I can’t wait,” she tells him breathlessly, “let’s run to my home!”

“NO!” shouts Wang, his eyes filled with fear. The last time he ran home he sustained a season ending injury in Houston. Cyndi is taken aback, but doesn’t ask for an explanation. “Let’s just walk. Carefully.” She agrees.

They are in her bed, ripping each other’s clothing off like . Nothing stands between their naked flesh but the last shreds of Wang’s guilt. Continue reading

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