Category Archives: Lists

On the Zimmerman(n) Telegram’s Word Cloud

The word cloud at the bottom of our blog is a window into the inner workings of our minds. A season’s worth of posting has provided a substantial sample size, so that the cloud is now reasonably representative of what we think about most of the time when we’re writing about the Nationals. In the midst of a slow November for Nationals-related news, now seems like as good a time as any to investigate just what goes on in our strange, wonderful (if I do say so myself) heads.

Here are the top ten tags that we used this season:

1. Bryce Harper
2. Death
3. Davey Johnson
4. Stephen Strasburg
5. Ian Desmond
6. Tom Gorzelanny
7. Gio Gonzalez
8. Adam LaRoche
9. Tyler Clippard
10. Ryan Zimmerman

Okay, nothing too surprising, just a bunch of baseball players and Death. We do love death. Can’t get enough of it. Death is some funny shit. Continue reading

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Harry Reid Quotes Bryce Harper in Press Conference

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A meeting of two of the most influential men in Washington. Interrupted by Harry Reid. (Not shown is Barack Obama having been thrown to the ground so Reid could smell Harper more closely).

While speaking to reporters on Tuesday, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid replied to a question in a way that Bryce Harper recently made famous. Either in response to a silly inquiry by a normal man or a normal inquiry by a man with a big red nose and makeup (I’m not sure which), Reid replied, “I don’t want to answer that question, that’s a clown question, bro.” The reply by Reid drew laughs from the crowd, but attacks from the Clown Anti-Defamation League who are sick of these attacks from these men. “So what if they’re clown questions? They still deserve the same rights as other questions, especially the right to be answered!” said clown civil rights leader Martin Luther *Honk Honk*, Jr.

Reid has expressed his fandom of the fellow Nevada-born Harper in the past. But he is not the first senator to quote a favorite baseball player and fellow state citizen. Below or some examples of past instances.

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Bartolo Colon Throws 38 Straight Strikes

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It was hard to see the excitement in his eyes after leaving Montreal. Maybe cause the chins were in the way.

Former franchise star pitcher Bartolo Colon has had an impressive resurgence in his career. One of the more astounding things he did in tonight’s start for Oakland was throw 38 strikes in a row. I thought it would be a good idea to look at other things that Bartolo Colon has done 38 straight times before.

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The 10 Plagues of Natstown

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More commonly known as baseball's Moses.

For far too long the Nationals have been abused, mistreated and overpowered as if they were slaves to the rest of the NL East. This blog is fed up, and wants you all to join with us in demanding what the Nationals truly deserve. Freedom. …To win the NL East. …or at least one of the two wild card spots.

We will no longer be subservient. We will rise up and fight for what we want. If the NL East dares to get in the way, then they can expect the following 10 plagues.

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Twenty-first Spring Training Game: Washington Nationals vs. Houston AstroCatastrophe

Today's game, which was played on the International Space Station, was delayed in the top of the 4th when the artificial gravity generator went down.

The Nationals lost again to the Houston Astros today, 5-1, presumably because they get some weird sexual gratification out of being really embarrassed. The loss brought the Nationals’ non-winning streak to 10. Here is a list of things that have happened since the Nationals last won a spring training game:

  • Tim Tebow was traded to the Jets
  • Peyton Manning signed with the Broncos
  • Mitt Romney won the Illinois primary
  • Rick Santorum won the Alabama and Mississippi primaries
  • Carlos Baerga endorsed Rick Santorum for president
  • Thousands of people were born, had awkward puberty-related experiences, fell in love, lied to their children, cheated on their spouses, hoped they weren’t going to die, died
  • The time period encompassed by March 13, 2012
  • The Zimmerman(n) Telegram published this profile  of some guy who was later optioned to AAA
  • I’ve eaten like, 15 sandwiches
  • The Nationals were awful the whole time
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Ten Baseball Phrases That Could Also Be Sex Acts

In order of least to most deviant:

10: Hold

9: Back-to-back

8: Caught looking

7: In the hole

6: Riding the pine

5: Backdoor slider

4: Touch ’em all

3: Stick a fork in him

2: Hang ’em and bang ’em Continue reading

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