Tag Archives: 9/11

2013 Nationals Player Profile: Denard Span

Denard Span's saliva is worth its weight in saliva.

Denard Span’s saliva is worth its weight in saliva.

On January 16, 2013, Denard Span woke up, went to the bathroom, defecated, forgot to brush his teeth, and pulled on his Lounging Robe, which is neon pink and checkered with pictures of his naked body taken from different angles. He plopped down on his couch, flipped open his laptop, and started clicking around on youtube.

Denard Span saw something on youtube. Something that would change his life forever.

He couldn’t contain himself. He tried to resist for a few minutes, but twitter was calling him with its siren tweet-song. At last, at 11:54 AM, Denard Span tweeted the following tweet:

@thisisdpsan: “I was watching some controversial stuff on YouTube about the sandy hooks thing today! It really makes u think and wonder”

It really does. It really makes me think and wonder about Denard Span, and what other odds and ends are meandering around in that crazy ol’ head of his. Continue reading

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Thirty-First Spring Training Game: Washington Nationals vs. St. Louis C.K.

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The Cardinals celebrate their loss, shouting "April Fools!" the whole time. The umpires had to let them know after that they really did lose.

Just a day after The Zimmerman(n) Telegram proclaimed that the Nationals lost, they won.

Today the Nationals beat the Cardinals 2-1. Danny Espinosa did something he could only do on a day full of lies and trickery, not strike out. He also threw a home run in there, which leads fans to think that if he can homer and put the ball in play everytime on April Fools’ Day, imagine how much he’ll suck during the regular season.

Today’s lineup was what many believe could be the lineup on Opening Day. Others believe that 9/11 was an inside job orchestrated by the Bush administration to help justify an invasion into the Middle East for a number of economic and political reasons. I’m leaning towards the former of those.

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