Tag Archives: Aaron Hill

Ian Desmond Sort of Injured, Withdraws From All-Star Game

Ian Desmond’s “Kirk Gibson Injured Home Run Trot” is not very convincing.

Ian Desmond has an “injury.” It’s the kind of injury that makes him hit really well. The injury has caused him to withdraw from the All-Star game, so that it can have some time to heal. During the last two days when he’s been “injured,” Desmond has hit two enormous home runs. Since he first started feeling this “injury” in June, he’s hitting .340 with 8 home runs. Desmond claims the injury is of his oblique muscle, but I’m skeptical. I think it’s an injury of the part of his soul that compels him to play baseball badly. I’m very worried that his decision to “heal” the “injury” will revert him to his usual failure of a self.

Replacing Desmond on the NL squad is notorious probable-illegal-immigrant Michael Bourn. Now that he’s no longer a rival of Bryce Harper in getting into the All-Star Game, the ill-will that I have borne Bourn is mostly gone.

The only man of the original five NL Final Vote candidates who is now not going to the All-Star game is Aaron Hill. Hill’s plans for Tuesday night include sitting at home alone watching The Notebook, calling all his ex-girlfriends, and eating Haagen-Dazs until the grief lulls him to sleep.

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Harper 2012

Nationals fans, it’s time for the most important election of the year. The National League All Star Game Final Vote (the AL vote is inconsequential) dwarfs all other elections in terms of the impact that it will have on your life and the lives of everyone else in the world. It is an understatement to say that on the outcome of this vote hinges the political, economic, social, moral, religious, and evolutionary future of humanity. With that in mind, your participation is critical.

The candidates for this highly coveted position are Michael Bourn, Chipper Jones, Aaron Hill, David Freese, and Bryce Harper. Four of these men are wrong for the job. Only one will lead the National League to All-Star Game glory and revitalize the human spirit in the process. Continue reading

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