Tag Archives: Adam Jones

Sean Burnett Fucks the House

Sean Burnett, immediately after having unwanted sex with you and everyone in your residence.

Final Score: Orioles 2, Nationals 1

Dame of the Game:

Ross Detwiler: 5 IP, 0 R, 4 H, 2 BB, 3 K. Detwiler reclaimed his rotation spot from Chien-Ming Wang with a flourish. Wang was was upset at his demotion, but kept himself upbeat with that most comforting of thoughts, “at least I’m not John Lannan.”

Shame of the Game:

Sean Burnett: .1 IP, 2 ER, 2 H, BB, Blown Save, Loss. See below.

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I’ve always hated Sean Burnett. Once upon a time, it seemed that he would somehow ruin every Nationals game I attended. Everything would be going well, the Nats seeming like they might actually win a game (back when that didn’t happen so often). They’d be tied or have a lead going in to the 7th or 8th. Then in would come Burnett, and we’d all go home unhappy.

There was a phrase that we creators of The Zimmerman(n) Telegram used, back in those halcyon days before the Telegram even existed (who can even fathom such a time now?). That phrase was “Sean Burnett is going to fuck the house.” We said it every time he came in to pitch. And then one to several batters later, the house was fucked. Sometimes just fucked a little bit, just enough to give us a taste. Sometimes fucked irrevocably and beyond repair. Every time Sean Burnett entered a game, we all lost a little bit of our¬†innocence. Continue reading

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Lincoln Shot! Down Nats’ Chances: Pirates Plunder a Win Over Nats

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Erik Bedard in a clear state of discomfort, just moments after guessing the wrong attendance on the scoreboard. (Photo by Jared Wickerham/Getty Images)

Final Score: Pirates 4, Nationals 2.

Dame of the Game:

Ross Detwiler: Loss, 6 IP, 7 H, 3 ER, 4 K. Detwiler’s average line was the best thing any Nationals could accomplish tonight, as the rest of the team stood at a point on that line very near Mendoza. Bad average aside, the dude is really grabby, and nobody wants to be near him.

Shame of the Game: 

The Nationals Offense with RISP: 1-8. With just 10 baserunners tonight, the Nationals managed to have 8 opportunities with RISP, yet only came through once, with a .125 average in those chances. I haven’t seen that bad an average since Mario Mendoza! Oh wait, I used him already.

What can you say about losing to the Pirates two straight games in a row other than, “Oh so you were using both controllers while playing a video game and let the Pirates win? Makes sense.” Only you can’t say this about this series, the Nationals have actually lost two games in a row to the Pirates. With a walkoff loss last night, and an embarrassing offensive performance tonight, the Nationals have dropped even further in the standings from tied for first place with a .620 win percentage to tied for first place with a .600 win percentage. Noooooooo!

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