Tag Archives: alcoholism

Only Fit to Clipp Toes: Clippard Is Demoted From Job as Fingernail Clipper After Loss

Senator John McCain wanders around the stadium bothering fans with boring war stories. (Patrick McDermott/Getty Images)

Final Score: Brewers 4, Nationals 2

Dame of the Game:

Edwin Jackson: 8 IP, 1 ER, 6 H, 6 K. More like “Deadwin Jackson.” Like he’s dead. After pitching too well.

Shame of the Game:

Tyler Clippard: .2 IP, 3 ER, 4 H. Tyler “The Gipper” Clippard. Like Ronald Reagan. As in, pretty bad.

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As TGP and I have returned from our weekend of BACCANALIC DEBAUCHERY, we will now begin the arduous task of parsing through this weekend’s less-than-ideal series against the Brewers. Evidence of said insobriety can be found in the above Dame/Shame descriptions, which were definitely written at some point but it is unclear by who and in what way they thought they were being witty at all.
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The Nationals at the Break

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This toaster is just like our season; We burnt everyone and we too had the option for frozen, as it applied to our offense at times.

Here we stand at the midway point of the baseball season. Or, if you’re someone like Rich Garces, here we sit. It’s much too tiring to stand up with all that weight. Baseball has reached a point when many people take time to rest and many others take time to analyze each team’s performance to this point. Given I am unemployed and thus have been doing nothing but rest for weeks, I’ll give the latter a shot and look at how the Nationals have done to this point in the season.

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