Tag Archives: Angel Pagan

Great PR Campaign: Puerto Rican Efforts Persuade US Players to Lose

Image

Angel Pagan believes he’s a choo-choo train. It’s kind of cute. And also a frightening sign of severe mental illness.

Final Score: Puerto Rico 4, USA 3.

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: The Puerto Rican Campaign of the Spanish American War.

———-

Americans always look good early on. However whether it’s because of a breakdown in strategy in some sort of competition, or because your metabolism slows down as you age and obesity finally kicks in, the USA tends to look a lot worse in the end. Take the Puerto Rican Campaign of the Spanish American War. America looked dominant early on, taking victories with ease against the Puerto Ricans. But at the very end they floundered, leading to an exit in a region where they could have done a lot more.

Then we look at the WBC. America looked dominant early on, taking victories with ease against the Puerto Ricans. But then in their second game the Americans floundered, leading to an exit in a region where they also could have done a lot more. Friday’s game was strangely similar to the events of the late 1800s for these reasons, and also because a couple fans were taken as POWs. Loria wanted to make sure the stadium was filled next season and had no other options.

Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

A Spainful Defeat: Another Colony Gets Revenge on the Motherland

Puerto Rico got a little help from @Teddy26Nats

Final Score: Puerto Rico 3, Spain 0

World Baseball Conflict of the Game: The Spanish-American War

——–

Puerto Rico was one of the last Caribbean colonies that Spain was able to clutch on to with its siesta-taking tentacles. The Puerto Rican independence movement started hitting the big time in 1868, when the island first revolted against Spanish rule. And then immediately lost against some lackluster Spanish militia. Poor Puerto Rico.

Fortunately for the rich port-ers, they got some help from a friendly neighbor in 1898 in the form of the United Fucking States. While the U.S. didn’t decisively take Puerto Rico militarily, Spain did cede the island in the 1898 Treaty of Paris, in which the Spanish admitted to having lost the war pretty badly.

Puerto Rico was free! By which I mean they were American, not independent. But aside from the freedom, the best part about being American was that Puerto Rico could start learning new things at which to beat the Spanish. Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Lince-came, Lince-Saw, Lince-Was-Conquered: Nats Reign Through Rain

Angel Pagan sees a real giant behind the center field wall, and doesn’t react very bravely. (AP Photo/Alex Brandon)

Final Score: Nationals 9, Giants 3

Dame of the Game:

Bryce Harper: 2-5, 2 2B, R, RBI, K. This may not have been the best performance of the night, but it was certainly the most All-Star performance of the night. Tell the world you agree.

Shame of the Game:

Tim Lincecum: 3.1 IP, 8 R, 7 ER, 9 H, 2 BB, 2 K. Time Lincecum is having a very bad year. The kind of year that makes you wish “I wish I could have that year back.” But he can’t, and he only has a finite number of years to live before he dies, and this is one of them. That’s certainly a shame for him.

——

I know, I know. It’s hard to concentrate on anything else while Bryce Harper is still in contention for the NL All-Star Final Vote. I, too, expected the world to come to a complete standstill until this matter is correctly resolved. But, apparently, gravity doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation, so the world’s still spinning. And because “schedules need to be adhered to,” the Nationals still played the Giants Tuesday night.

Fortunately, the Nationals overcame their certain preoccupation with Harper 2012 to do a little Giant-slaying. A giant’s weapon of choice is usually a large club, but it was the Nats that did the large clubbing in this game. Incidentally, after the game, Tom Gorzelanny did a little “large clubbing” of his own, which is what he calls it when he goes out to clubs specifically for designed for fat women. Sadly (for him) and happily (for the overweight women), he was no more successful in his seductive efforts than usual. Continue reading

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,