Tag Archives: ants

Edwin-ter is Coming: Jackson’s Orgasmic Performance Freezes Cards Offense

“Okay, how who did it. Who took my last pop tart. Fess up before I get really angry.” (Photo by Patrick McDermott/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 8, Cardinals 1

Dame of the Game:

Edwin Jackson: 8 IP, 1 R, 0 ER, 4 H, 2 BB 10 K. In the Game of Throws, you Ed-Win or you Ed-die.

(I told you I had a nearly-inexhaustible supply of Game of Thrones puns.)

Shame of the Game:

Jamie Garcia: 5.1 IP, 6 ER, 9 H, 2 K. (SPOILER) Jaime just hasn’t been the same since he got his pitching hand cut off.

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Yeeeeeeeah…that’s the stuff.

This game was essentially the polar opposite of the last game I wrote about. Everything that was soul-crushing about Tuesday’s game was soul-enhancing about this one. After watching just a few innings of this game, I already felt like my soul was improving by leaps and bounds and I had moved several steps closer to enlightenment. By the time the Nats had won, nirvana and the true end of all suffering seemed just around the corner.

Then the game ended, I realized I really needed to do laundry, and suffering resumed. Disappointing. If I was the type of person to write something like “#natsfanproblems,” this is where I’d do it. But I’m not so don’t you DARE ever say I did. Continue reading

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Wang to DL, H-Rod Activated

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Wang’s insistence on holding a press conference to announce his placement on the DL drew some strange looks.

Wang’s chances for success have been derailed again. It’s not a prom rejection, or even a prostitute returning the money insisting she “can’t do the job because it’s too inverted.” It’s in fact another injury, as Chien-Ming has been placed on the DL again, with a hip strain. I had never expected Wang to get hurt this way, but when he showed up in the clubhouse this week in a backwards cap and shades while riding a skateboard, well, that seemed like too much of a strained effort to be hip. The injury was bound to happen.

With Wang’s return to the DL, Henry Rodriguez makes his return to the bullpen. Or at least Davey Johnson told him to walk out to the bullpen, we’re not sure if he made it. He’s not very accurate. He can be a very valuable asset out of the pen, arguably more than ink. Hopefully he returns to his early season ways, and remembers that as much as he hates the ants building anthills by home plate, you shouldn’t throw wild curveballs at them. Sure ants ruin picnics, but those wild pitches are just bad for the team.

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