Tag Archives: babies

A Phitting End: Nats Climb the Phinal Cliff to Take Season Phinale

Speak softly and carry a big head. (AP Photo/Manuel Balce Ceneta)

Final (sniff) Score: Nationals 5, Phillies 1.

Dame of the Game:

Teddy Roosevelt: Win.

Shame of the Game:

Jonathan Papelbon: .2 IP, 2 ER, H, BB, K. It’s almost sad that Papelbon won’t have the chance to blow any saves in the postseason. The happy kind of sadness.

——–

They let Teddy win. I always knew they’d do it eventually when the Nats got good. They had to. The constant failures of Teddy couldn’t go on forever, lest they devolve further into some kind of dark metaphor for the ultimate pointlessness of existence.

But now that the impossible has been made possible, what is left for this franchise to strive for? The dream of Teddy winning was so fantastical, so quixotic, that all other goals now seem almost trivial. Sure, the Nats could win the World Series. But it was always at least theoretically possible that they could win the World Series. Even in the dark, dark days of ’06 – ’09, the odds of those teams winning the Series at the beginning of the season were greater than zero. The odds of Teddy winning did not exist. If you bet on Teddy winning and he won, this would happen. Continue reading

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2012 Nationals Player Profile: Henry Rodriguez

Henry Rodriguez remembers the dark days

Henry Rodriguez throws hard. He throws hard even by the standards of Major League Baseball pitchers, who tend to throw harder than average people (Livan Hernandez excepted). His fastball has been known to reach 100mph, which means that if he stood on one side of the original 100-square mile-boundaries of Washington, DC and threw a fastball towards the other side, it would get there in…probably about an hour. Assuming no gravity and that it didn’t hit an office building, presidential memorial or homeless person on the way, of course.

Henry Rodriguez has always thrown hard. Henry grew up in Zulia, Venezuela, where there were plenty of things to throw. As a baby, Henry Rodriguez once threw a pacifier through a wall. When he was five, he threw a squirrel through a tree. When he was eight years old, he threw a six-year-old through a five-year-old. That was a very traumatic event in Henry’s life (not to mention the lives of the other children involved). After that, Henry stopped throwing living things and started throwing baseballs. Continue reading

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