Tag Archives: bad decisions

Marlins’ Johnson Bests Nats’ Wang: Washington Loses in Game of Inches

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Unlike Manny Ramirez, Heath Bell doesn’t walk behind the outfield wall to take care of his business. (AP Photo/Jeffrey Boan)

Final Score: Marlins 5, Nationals 3.

Dame of the Game:

Roger Bernadina: 1-2, 1 BB, 1 Sac Fly, 2 RBI. Shark attacks occasionally occur in the Miami area. Today we were witness to one of the worst ever recorded. While many have been murdered, dismembered, and other horrible things, the Marlins tonight experienced the worst of it, being mildly threatened by Bernadina in what turned out to ultimately be a losing effort on his part. A horrific and bloody scene, no doubt.

Shame of the Game:

Ryan Perry: .1 IP, 2 H, 1 ER. You tried pitching to Giancarlo Stanton. You are not an intelligent man.

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The Nationals must have hired a maid, because we’re no longer the ones doing the sweeping. One series after sweeping Atlanta, the Nationals got a taste of their own medicine at the hands of the Marlins. We’re not quite sure what caused this, but most likely some horrible mutation. Marlins should not have hands. Miami sits just a half game out of first, worrying fans there who know the only way to win a World Series in Miami is by not winning the division. They better start losing if they hope to reach the pinnacle of baseball. (Yes, that’s a convincing enough set of sentences to make them start purposely losing. You can thank me later, NL East.)

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Marlins Mar Grins: Mike Stants Tall as Nats Do Fall

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Celebrating is a very somber time for the Nationals. (AP Photo/Joel Auerbach)

Final Score: Marlins 5, Nationals 3.

Dame of the Game:

Jordan Zimmermann, The Hitter: 1-2, 1 R, 1 HR, 1 RBI. Jordan Zimmermann is sick and tired of throwing 7 IP, allowing 1 ER, and not winning the game. He decided to take things into his own hands and power one out of the park.

Shame of the Game:

Jordan Zimmermann, The Pitcher: Loss, 6 IP, 8 H, 4 ER, 4 K. Sadly, it seems he is so sick of throwing 7 IP, allowing 1 ER, and not winning the game, that Zimm has decided to stop even coming close. It’s been three starts since his 4th 7IP/1ER outing of his season, and he doesn’t seem to be going back. His outlook on the game changed. If he couldn’t get support pitching so fantastically, maybe he could get support pitching dreadfully. I worry he’s going to be less like his rotation partners, and more like Jose Lima. He’ll begin to say “It’s Zima Time,” upsetting people greatly by not only letting them know a lot of runs are about to be given up, but also reminding them that Zima existed.

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Miami is all about clubbing. It has one of the best nightlife scenes around, and also one of the biggest men who clubs the furthest home runs anyone ever sees. Giancarlo Stanton is someone everybody wants on their team, and every day that passes that someone doesn’t have him they cry and cry. This has been how great baseball players have been measured throughout history. The better a player, the more tears shed by the entirety of MLB’s fans. There are exceptions however. When you see people crying about Tom Gorzelanny, they simply are weeping for that gene pool.

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Wang Thrusts Detwiler From Rotation

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I guess the results of a race to determine the 5th starter weren’t likely to hold up for too long.

Chien-Ming Wang ruins lives. He ruined his wife’s life, and now he ruined Ross Detwiler’s life. And while I’m only certain that this rotation change was Davey Johnson’s decision, I wouldn’t be surprised to find out Johnson probably was the one who funneled Wang full of alcohol and told him to “totally hook up with that chick” at the bar. He’s a good wingman, since everybody loves old men who hang out in bars and try to make sex happen.

So Wang is the new Nationals fifth starter. Detwiler is the new Nationals long man. The name-position combo really doesn’t have the same comedic effect, what a shame. It’s strange to find the Nats giving up on Detwiler now, after bumping Lannan in a shocking move initially. John was asked what he thought about the man who beat him out for a spot being knocked out by Wang, replying with “that must’ve been a strong penis.”

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Nats Continue Medlen with Braves: Minor Effort Drops Atlanta to 4th

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“Mommy, mommy! Get it away!” (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)

Final Score: Nationals 8, Braves 4.

Dame of the Game:

Danny Espinosa: 2-5, 2 R, 1 HR, 1 2B, 3 RBI. Usually if a manager says I’m going to put someone with a .650 OPS in the leadoff spot, you’d say “No, Dusty. I don’t know why we hired you and Neifi in the first place.” Today Johnson’s gamble paid off. It probably won’t tomorrow though so let’s just get him out of that spot.

Shame of the Game: (Tonight’s Shame of the Game will be written by guest poster Henry Rodriguez)

Tyler Clippard: Save, .2 IP, 1 K. Tyler Clippard is a bad person. His three near perfect saves are much worse than me because I like to have fun and make things interesting. Now my wife won’t talk to me because she has eyes for Tyler. Please give me food, nobody will.

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Today, Stephen Strasburg did what everybody expected. Expected Bryce Harper to do, that is, going 1-2 and bumping his OPS up to 1.143. His pitching line included allowing 4 ER for the second time in three starts. John Lannan, maybe there will be a spot in the rotation after all if we move Strasburg to fill the hole in left… I’m just kidding John. Sorry to get your hopes up, although I imagine there aren’t any to get up after all your hopes and dreams were shattered when being demoted to AAA.

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