Tag Archives: Batman

You Need an Ace in the Hole, Theirs is Harvey: Team of Jokers Beat Nats

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They say it takes more muscles to frown than to smile. This group of Mets fans is getting quite the workout.

Final Score: Mets 7, Nationals 1

Belle of the Ball: I don’t know…Jesus? I mean he died for our sins, and there was nothing more sinful than this game. Shows real dedication to the team to die for an early season loss.

Smell of the Ball: Where do I begin? Oh, Ian Desmond. That’s where. Yeah, this was a near full 25-man all around sucking effort, but Desmond’s error on the first Mets batter made me realize I was about to sit through one of the worst experiences of my life. And I’ve seen Norbit.

…That was a lie. Nobody saw Norbit.

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I love attending Nationals games. I hate attending extended sessions of grown men shitting all over the place and ruining my night. Tonight, thinking I was attending the former, I sadly attended the latter. It is an easy mistake to make though. If only they made the announcements on the NYC Subway sound clearer, maybe I would’ve correctly gotten off at Mets – Willets Point instead of Awful – Poop Central.

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Live Free or Clipp Hard: Nats Survive Closer’s Explosion

Tyler Clippard, just after nearly blowing the game and just before ultimately not blowing it. Also, the top of someone’s cap.

Final Score: Nationals 4, Mets 3

Dame of the Game:

Jordan Zimmermann: 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 H, 4 K. Video of Jordan Zimmermann speeding along mountain roads in a sports car, running down Mets batters on every curve. Cut to: young boy turns to the camera, whispers “Zimm Zimm.”

Shame of the Game:

Tyler Clippard: 1 IP, 2 ER, 2 HR, 2 H, 3 K, Save. The beauty of the save statistic is that it’s possible to give up two home runs in the only inning you pitch and still receive one. And by “beauty of” I mean “reason why no one should ever care about.”

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Ah, the joys of seeing the Nats win in person. Being so close to Michael Morse that you can practically taste his grease. Being so close to Jason Bay that you can practically taste his disappointment in the way his life turned out. What a thrill.

It didn’t occur to me at the time, but in retrospect I shouldn’t have bothered to come to the game until Jordan Zimmermann was out of it, since it was obvious neither his opponents nor his supposed supporters were going to score before then.

Sometime in the first 5 1/2 innings of inevitably uneventful baseball.

Even when the first 2/3 of a Nationals game are essentially predetermined by Jordan Zimmermann’s effectiveness and his offense’s hatred for him, there is always one good reason to be in Nationals Park around the middle of the game: the running of the presidents. And last night’s race was perhaps the best I’ve ever personally experienced. Continue reading

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Nationals Activate Storen, DFA Ankiel

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Not only is Storen a talented player, but he’s also a peekaboo master.

Drew Storen is finally back. It’s interesting that Storen, a man who owns a Batmobile type car, returns on the same day that the new Batman movie comes out in theaters. Perhaps Drew is indeed Batman, done with his movie promotion commitments, here to save us from all the baseball criminals threatening our livelihood. I feel this won’t be as difficult task as defeating The Joker, half the league can probably be brought up on public intoxication and aggravated assault charges.

Storen comes back at an intriguing time, as Tyler Clippard has experienced two straight days of struggling to close out games. Clippard perhaps feels sorry for taking Drew’s job, and wants to show there are no hard feelings. I always figured Tyler was a coward like this, what a loser. The glasses just screamed nerd, no way he can stand up to us jocks like Drew. I bet Tyler is shitty at sports and just spends hours by his computer…computing.

To make room for Storen, the Nationals DFA’d Rick Ankiel. So ends the Ankiel Era in Washington. An era marked by impressive throws and relatively baseball incompetence otherwise. Sounds like he’d fit in on the 1919 Black Sox well.

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2012 Nationals Player Profile: Drew Storen

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I drew Storen.

Drew Storen owns this car. A lot of people say it’s a Batmobile, and that clearly Drew Storen is Batman. There are many signs aside from the car that point to Drew being Batman. He likes saving things, he has a lanky youthful sidekick in Tyler Clippard, and has taken on hulked up, steroid filled freaks just like Bane.

But Drew Storen isn’t Batman. To find out the animated hero that he really is, we have to go back to his rookie year, and look at this picture:

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